


Come What Come May (Time And The Hour Runs Through The Roughest Day)

by theshyauthor



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Famous!Jared, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jared makes pancakes, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, doesn't refer to main character, only briefly mentioned, rich!Jared, shy!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 12:26:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4391834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshyauthor/pseuds/theshyauthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen, a student at the University of Washington and grumpy person in general, is not at all impressed by the fact that Jared Padalecki, son of a famous country singer and a popular Hollywood actor and general heartthrob of the nation, also decides to study at the same university. He's also not happy about the fact that he ends up at Jared's house party thanks to his best friend Danneel, but the morning after a panic attack, when he wakes up in a strangers bed, he realizes that Jared Padalecki maybe isn't as bad of a human being as the magazines make him out to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my submission for the SPN J2 BB 2015. The amazing art was created by tebtosca on LJ.

  
[MASTERPOST ](http://theshyauthor.livejournal.com/2285.html)  


  
  


  
Jensen Ackles does not like college. He could make a list of all the reasons why this place is not enjoyable for him at all and it would probably reach a hundred points before he might run out of ideas. It is expensive and doesn’t even guarantee him a job later on in life. He is forced to share a tiny room with a person he had never met before who has turned out to be a complete maniac. To be fair though, Jensen kind of likes Misha and his crazy persona. After all he did choose to share a room with the man again for his second semester. Sometimes Jensen has so much to study that he doesn’t even know where to begin. The food at the cafeteria is not that good and he doesn’t know how to cook in order to use the kitchen on the floor of his dorm so most of his meals consist out of take-out that is pricey. The parties his friends always try to drag him to are lame with people getting way too drunk. No, Jensen Ackles really does not like college.

Social interactions are something Jensen does absolutely not enjoy for the most part. Of course he has some friends (a very limited number, but the best people he could ask for) and his family back home in Texas (the Washington weather makes him miss home) but that is about it. Things like acquaintances do not exist in his life and neither do love interests. Even his friends have to give Jensen twenty-four hour notice before taking him out for food or other activities they consider fun. He is used to people calling him weird for his behavior but he couldn’t care less. It’s how he has lived his life for years now and he is content with it. The perfect night for him consists of Misha leaving him alone in their shared dorm room with a tub of ice cream or a bowl of popcorn on his lap and his laptop screen opened up on Netflix. It definitely does not include the university library filled with students that do not know how to shut the fuck up.

It is close to midnight and Jensen’s eyes already hurt from reading the tiny font in the book. The artificial lights at the library are way too bright for his liking and he despises the fact that he can’t drink coffee in here. He feels tired. And miserable. The fact that stupid pretentious ‘my parents are rich and famous’ Jared Padalecki only sits two tables over doesn’t improve his mood either. The fact that his sidekick Chad Michael Murray is with him and talking loud enough for Jensen to hear every word about the “hot chick he banged last night” makes him want to bash his own head into the table. At least there are only twenty-seven more pages to read of the book that he has to finish for tomorrows class (that he totally forgot about until four hours ago) and then he can finally get out of this place and go to bed. And maybe watch another episode of Doctor Who before falling asleep.

Ever since Padalecki entered the building about half an hour ago, more and more students seem to fill up the tables at the library. On a normal occasion it’s always possible to find a chair at this place but right now there are people even sitting on the floor and pretending to read books, when in reality they creepily stare at the famous person in the room over the edge of their books. Jensen is pretty sure that the girl with the short skirt kneeling on the floor next to the bookshelves of Greek Mythology was not at all interested in the Roman Empire, despite what the book in her hand suggested.  It’s insane how this guy can show up anywhere on campus and within minutes be surrounded by way too many people. It shouldn’t surprise Jensen. After all, Jared Padalecki is the son of none other than famous country singer Samantha Smith and three time Academy Award nominated actor John Padalecki. The boy has been in magazines ever since he was born and became a popular child model. Jensen remembers at least three TV commercials from his younger years starring the other man and one or two movies that he has seen with him in them. As Jared grew up, he became the heartthrob of the nation. With long hair, slanted hazel eyes, freaking dimples and an impressive height, Jared is a good-looking young man. When he had announced that he was going to attend university in autumn it had been all over the newspapers, though the name of the university had never been revealed. Jensen had never paid attention to all the celebrity gossip. Of course he had known Jared Padalecki and his parents, had seen movies with his father in them and heard songs on the radio sung by his mother but that was it. So when he had arrived at the University of Washington, ready for this new chapter of his life, he was less than impressed to hear about the whispers of Jared Padalecki being spotted on campus. The news that he attended this specific university had gone around the country in no time and paparazzi were all over campus for weeks. It seemed like the only topics anyone talked about were Jared Padalecki being here, having seen Jared Padalecki, having talked to Jared Padalecki, having Jared Padalecki in the same course or serving him a freaking coffee.

Jensen doesn’t think very highly of the twenty-one year old man. He’s heard enough stories about him picking up girls and breaking their hearts, cheating on them. Jared apparently shares a luxurious house with Chad Michael Murray- his sidekick, best friend and wannabe actor - and the parties they throw there are already legendary, filled with alcohol and drugs. People call him cold-hearted and manipulative. He’s known for his mood swings. It’s more than obvious that people only seek his attention because he has money and fame. They want their five minutes of popularity and he’s the best way to get them. Jensen still remembers the scandal of Jared knocking up an actress named Genevieve Cortese who no one had ever heard of before the incident happened. It had only happened two years ago and people had talked about it for weeks. She ended up with an abortion and countless offers for movies. Everyone knows her name these days. Genevieve Cortese is the best example on how to become famous by using another famous person.

It’s getting harder to concentrate on the book with each sentence Jensen reads. The lines start to blur before his eyes and he can already feel his eyelids droop. Laughter can be heard and Jensen shoots an angry glare over to Padalecki’s table. The man obviously tries to muffle his laugh with a hand over his mouth, but he’s not very successful at it. Murray grins like a Cheshire Cat. Jensen decides that he’s done enough reading for the night. Maybe he’ll get lucky and can escape the teacher’s attention when she asks questions about the book tomorrow. Standing up from the table, his chair squeaks against the linoleum floor and now he’s the recipient of dirty stares for disrupting the quiet. When Padalecki had laughed, no one had raised a single eyebrow but him. Hastily Jensen stuffs his belongings into his bag and takes the book he was reading. It’s quickly put back into the shelf it was taken from before he escapes the library and steps into the cold night air. When he arrives at his and Misha’s shared dorm, his roommate greets him in a neon green dress. Jensen doesn’t bat an eyelash. Instead he gets ready for bed and goes to sleep.  


  


  
It’s Friday night and Jensen hates it. He doesn’t usually hate Friday nights, not when he’s in his room and having TV show marathons or out with a small group of friends to have some drinks and play some pool. Tonight though he is doing neither of these things and his best friend Danneel Harris is to blame. Danneel and Jensen grew up in the same town in Texas, on the same street and have been friends since the day they were born. It is a strange friendship really, considering that they are as different as night and day. If Danneel is sunshine, Jensen is rain, she is fire, he is ice. Back in high school Danneel had been a cheerleader. She was popular and well-liked and had always had a huge group of friends. Jensen not so much. While she had been out drinking at house parties, he was the one that had stayed up all night in his room, waiting for her to call and tell him to pick her up. She had lots of boyfriends over the course of high school, Jensen had one. For two weeks. He lost his virginity to that asshole just to find out afterwards that he had been nothing but a stupid bet to the guy. That was his first and last relationship but the start of his adventures with gay bars and faked IDs. Those nights were filled with messy blowjobs and quickies in dirty bathroom stalls; a part of his life that not even Danneel knows about. And still, as different as they might seem, they always preferred to spend time with each other the most. Movie marathons, trips to the small lake hidden in the woods, Jensen teaching her how to drive a car in the middle of an empty parking lot, because her parents didn’t allow her to take driving lessons until she was eighteen- all of these were the best memories that both of them had from school. And then they decided to move up north to Washington to go to college together, because at this point neither could bear the thought of living without the other in their life anymore. Danneel is the best friend that Jensen could have ever asked for, but right now he also kind of dislikes her a lot.

He’s at a party. There are sweaty drunk people everywhere and the only thing that’s been in Jensen’s cup all night long is orange juice and water. The music is loud and he’s not even sure who the host of this get together is. Someone just threw up into an expensive looking vase. Jensen’s skin is tingling. He’d like to get up and leave, but Danneel is dancing and having a good time and also really drunk already and he has to keep an eye on her. That’s it, that’s the only reason he’s at this goddamn party. The sofa he’s sitting on is stained and the couple making out on the other side of it is halfway to actually having sex next to him. He deserves a medal for still being here at one in the morning. His heart is beating fast from anxiety but he swallows and tries to ignore the light shaking of his hands. The music’s too loud and absolutely horrible and he has a headache. But he needs to make sure that his best friend is safe and that’s all that matters. She’ll have a massive hangover tomorrow and will probably feel guilty about talking Jensen into joining her. He thinks that she deserves it. If he has to suffer through anxiety now because of her, she should suffer as well by throwing up the entire next day. Jensen is probably a horrible friend for having these kinds of thoughts. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have a lot of people that like to spend their spare time with him.

It’s shortly after three in the morning when Jensen decides that he can’t take it any longer. Most people are already too drunk to even know their own names at this point and Jensen has had to shove two handsy girls away in the last hour. His level of discomfort was really high the second he set foot into this house but by now it can probably already touch the moon. Danneel is not even dancing anymore, just swaying left and right and nearly falling half the time. It’s not hard to lead her out of the building, she probably doesn’t even know what she’s doing. Her words are slurred enough to not make sense anymore and her eyelids are drooping quite a lot. As soon as she’s outside on the sidewalk, she sits down and closes her eyes. Yes, she’s definitely going to have a bad hangover tomorrow.

Jensen knows that his best friend is a grown-up woman that should not have a babysitter with her at parties but he can’t stop being worried about her all the time. She goes to these things because she likes to get drunk and dance. She never goes out to pick up men at parties but she’s a beautiful woman that attracts the opposite gender whether she wants to or not, and often enough she doesn’t know when to stop drinking, making her vulnerable and an easy target. She sometimes complains about Jensen’s behavior at parties; the fact that he only sits in a corner and keeps an eye on her instead of having fun. She pretends to talk Jensen into joining her at parties because she is worried about his social life but Jensen knows that in reality she’s grateful that he looks out for her and only takes him with her because it makes her feel safe and gives her the opportunity to let loose.

Jensen gets out his phone and scrolls through his list of contacts. He hates making phone calls, but he still presses on ‘Student taxi service’ and waits for it to connect. Student taxi service is an organization provided by his university, by students for students. Between nine at night and five in the morning, students can call and ask for a taxi, driven by other students that volunteer for this job. The service is free of charge and Jensen can’t understand how anyone would be willing to volunteer to drive around in the middle of the night to pick up drunk students. The stories he heard of some people volunteering are horrifying. Should someone throw up in their taxi, they are the ones that have to clean up the mess. Another Rehabilitation Medicine student once shared a story about a couple that started actually having sex on the backseat and offered to let him to join. People volunteering for this job must be a bit out of their minds in his opinion but it’s amazing that the university provides the service and he’s really thankful that he doesn’t have to call an expensive taxi that is probably driven by some creepy old man. Student taxis are reliable and safe. Jensen likes reliable and safe.

The operator on the other side of the phone sounds way too cheery for three in the morning and tells Jensen that one of the drivers is close by after he gave him the address. Five minutes, then the taxi should arrive. He’s lucky because these taxis are all over town and there’s only about ten of them so sometimes you have to wait up to half an hour before someone is free to pick you up because obviously they are in high demand. Danneel is still on the ground with closed eyes when Jensen hangs up and with no one to keep him company he decides to kill time by playing some random game he downloaded earlier this week on his mobile phone. It’s stupid but for some reason he always plays it when he has a minute to spare. He can still hear the loud music coming from the house as a cold wind is blowing through the streets. It’s the end of March and the sun is peeking out behind grey clouds more often these days but it’s still not very warm and at night time the temperature drops another few degrees. Danneel is sitting on the pavement in nothing but a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She did wear a jacket when they arrived but Jensen has no idea where she lost it. He takes pity on her even though she is unconscious and most likely not even fazed by the cold right now and shrugs out of his jacket to lay it over her shoulders. He hopes she doesn’t throw up all over herself because it’s his favorite jacket and also the only one he owns for the weather now: too warm for winter jackets but too cold for no jacket at all.

The student taxi doesn’t take a long time to arrive, just like it was promised to Jensen on the phone. It’s a black van with the logo of the university on the doors. Jensen waves the driver over. The window on the passenger side is rolled down and a guy wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap is leaning over.

“Ackles?” he asks and Jensen can’t help but think that this is the beginning of a kidnapping. It’s the middle of the night, why would this guy be wearing sunglasses? Jensen has seen the movies and crime TV shows and according to them there are probably two or three men lurking in the backseats just waiting for him and Danneel to get in so they can chloroform them. But this is the car of the university taxi service and the driver did know his name after all so Jensen just assumes that he can be trusted and pulls out his student identity card.

He opens the back door of the car and then goes over to Danneel and tries to pull her up. It takes him a minute or two and he can hear the sighs of his driver every now and again. Once he’s inside with her and has her buckled up, he gives the driver the name of his dorm. It doesn’t happen very often that he takes Danneel to his dorm room after a night out but he knows that her roommate won’t be around tonight and wants to be close just in case she throws up in her state of unconsciousness. Of course Jensen doesn’t hope that he has to stick his finger in her throat to make sure that she doesn’t choke on her own vomit but better safe than sorry. Also he can be extra loud in the morning when she has a headache. It’s his kind of revenge for dragging him along to this stupid party in the first place.

“You know, just because she can’t say no doesn’t mean that she’s consenting,” the voice of his driver brings Jensen out of his thoughts after a few minutes of driving with only the radio silently playing in the background. “And that’s why you will leave this car alone tonight.”

Jensen looks up, completely baffled. “Excuse me?”

“People like you make me sick, man. Filling up pretty girls with alcohol to get them into bed with you, that is just fucked up. You look decent enough, you should try a more legal way to get laid. Or maybe no, you shouldn’t get laid at all because you’re disgusting. When we get to your dorm you will get out of this car alone. Try arguing with me and I’m calling campus security. I’m going to take her to the headquarters, where we have rooms ready for times like this. And you I’m going to blacklist. Don’t even think about calling again.” The driver parks the car and turns around and Jensen realizes that they are already in front of his dorm building. “Now get the fuck out, you asshole.”

Jensen’s opening his mouth and closing it again, searching for words he doesn’t have. He wants to call the driver names, maybe explain the situation, but all he can do is stare into the blackness of sunglasses. Then he takes a look at Danneel. Her head is against the window and her eyes are closed. Jensen doesn’t want her to be on her own in a vulnerable position like this but the man behind the steering wheel probably won’t give him the time of the day to explain the situation and to be fair he does see how this could look wrong. Arguing will be useless and Jensen’s eyelids are heavy. So he gives up.

“Please take care of her” are the only words he says when he slides out of the car. He doesn’t have to see the other man’s face to know that his eyes hold disgust.

Jensen stands on the sidewalk in nothing but a T-Shirt and his jeans because his jacket is still wrapped around Danneels shoulders. He stands there and watches as the car pulls out of the parking lot and disappears around the next corner. He stands there and bites on his lower lip, worried about his best friend and disappointed about the fact that he didn’t stand up for himself. This is the last time he’s going to a party with Danneel.  


  


  
It’s the Wednesday after the dreadful party. On some Wednesday evenings Jensen likes to join a study group that meets up in an extra room of the university library. There are usually around fifty to sixty people that gather around tables or spread all of their stuff on the floor and stay to study as long as they want. The group meets up around six in the evening. At 9 p.m. and midnight they take a stroll together through the campus to clear their minds and talk about their projects. Only at 2 a.m. does the university kick them out of the room. At that point hardly any of them are studying. It becomes more chatting about how their weeks went.  It’s a nice get-together that Jensen enjoys every now and again. He knows some of the people there from his courses and he feels at ease being surrounded by them, something that doesn’t happen too often.  He hasn’t joined the study group in two weeks because he didn’t have a lot to study and couldn’t find the motivation to change out of his jogging pants into actual jeans. Today he’s had a good day though- a handsome stranger held the door open for him and his classes went well- and he feels like he could do with some extra studying.

Four minutes after six he enters the extra room of the university library. It has a high ceiling and big windows that allow the last sunrays of the day to illuminate the room enough to not need artificial lights yet. Only few people are gathered so far, most of the participants of the study group usually don’t show up before eight in the evening. Jensen chooses a seat next to Richard, a fun guy who’s here every week. Sometimes he can be a bit over the top and then Jensen needs to get away from him for a few minutes and hide in the bathroom, but overall he’s really nice.

Richard greets Jensen with a smile and the question of where he’s been for the last few weeks. Jensen doesn’t have a good excuse other than he wasn’t all that interested in studying. The other man laughs at that, which wasn’t even funny, and claps Jensen on the back before leaning over his books again. He’s a straight A student and Jensen finds it fascinating because the guy doesn’t look or especially act like someone who would enjoy studying at all.

Slowly the room fills up but the three chairs to Jensen’s right stay empty. He doesn’t mind that, it gives him more room to work. Every now and again he exchanges a quick word with Richard or is interrupted to greet someone he knows and make polite conversation with them. There are quite a few new faces in the group tonight. Jensen thinks it’s odd to have at least fifteen new people around because normally they are always the same bunch of people but he doesn’t question it. Only when the door opens around half past seven and three newcomers enter the room does Jensen understand the sudden growth of popularity.  None other than Padalecki and his sidekick Murray enter the room with a girl Jensen’s never seen before. She’s pretty and if he had met her in his time of experimenting with girls before he settled on boys, he would have probably slept with her. She’s small and skinny with brown straight hair falling over her shoulders and a cute face. Usually Jared is surrounded by girls with too much makeup and skirts too short, but she doesn’t fit into that trend at all with jeans and barely any makeup on her face.

It’s not hard to tell who in this study group came here just to take a look at Padalecki. All the eyes of the new students are glued to him and observe his every move greedily. He does look good with his longer brown hair and slanted hazel eyes. He’s big and has some muscles and when he smiles, it looks friendly enough but Jensen doesn’t let himself be fooled by that look. He knows about the drugs and the parties and the women and Padalecki’s pretty face does- if he can believe the magazines- not at all fit his personality.

All of a sudden Jensen is no longer happy about the fact that the three chairs next to him are empty because they are the only three chairs together available in the entire room and Padalecki and his two friends are on their way over. With a heavy sigh he grabs his books and arranges them differently to provide more space for the person that is going to end up next to him.

Richard, who heard the sigh, chuckles silently. “Sucks for you,” he whispers and Jensen kicks him under the table while deliberately shoving his books over Richard’s side of the table.

The girl is the one going for the green hideous plastic chair next to his and Jensen is already feeling relieved because she looks nice enough. He accidentally makes eye contact with Jared, though his intention was to just look up and smile at the girl to seem nice. Their eyes lock for a second and Jared freezes before quickly breaking the contact. All feelings of joy die in Jensen’s chest the very second he hears Padalecki talk. “Let me take the seat on the side and take the middle one, Soph. I need some distance from Chad, otherwise I won’t get any studying done at all tonight.” His voice sounds cold and unfriendly and from the corner of his eyes Jensen watches with disappointment as the girl- Sophia he guesses- lets her hand drop from the back of the chair and follows Jared’s order without question.

Tonight is the night that Jensen can finally see for himself what an asshole Jared Tristan Padalecki is. The famous man plops down on the chair and immediately sprawls out, his elbow bumping against Jensen’s but he doesn’t even acknowledge it. All his stuff is more in Jensen’s space than his own. He talks loud and obnoxiously, chews gum too loudly and every few minutes he bumps into Jensen. Many times he leans over Jensen to talk to Richard about the most irrelevant things and makes it impossible for Jensen to lean over his books. It’s like Jensen is nothing but thin air. But Jensen bites his upper lip the entire time because he doesn’t want to make a scene. He doesn’t know why, but the way this night is going gives him anxiety. He can feel his heart speeding up and tears of annoyance already start to prickle at the edge of his eyes. They are forced away by excessive blinking quickly. The study group was so far the only event at university where he had _never_ felt anxiety bubbling up in his chest before, kind of like a safe haven, and Padalecki had ruined it for him.

Eleven p.m. is the first time Jared leaves the room. Before he’s even out of the door, Jensen packs the books into his messenger bag. Something in him just wouldn’t allow him to leave with the other man sat next to him. Richard is fidgeting next to him as if he wants to say something but doesn’t know if he should. It’s only when Jensen has packed the last thing away- his pen- does Richard whisper, “I have no idea what’s gotten into him today. He’s always nice but today he’s acting like a complete asshole.”

Jensen wants to be out of the room already, wants to leave before Padalecki can possibly come back, but Richard’s words make him stop in his action of getting up. “So you noticed it?”

“He was constantly bumping into you, how could I not have noticed it? And the thing he did when he just leaned over you to talk to me. Have you met him before? I feel like he really hates you, man.”

Jensen just shakes his head. “I’ve never talked to him in my life. He’s such an asshole.”

Richard’s face softens at that. “He normally really isn’t. He’s been here twice now and he was always friendly. It’s like something about you set him off.”

Jensen ignores that last comment. Firstly, he doesn’t want to believe that Jared Padalecki can be nice, especially not after what he witnessed today. Secondly, there is no way in hell that _he_ is the reason the other guy is acting like an asshole. Finally, he really wants to be out of the room before the other man comes back in.

“You still got my number, Richard?” Jensen asks. The other man nods affirmatively. “Good, then give me a call when Padalecki isn’t in this study group anymore.” With that he gets up, cringes when the chair scrapes over the floor loudly, and leaves the room with quick steps, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. He wants to get back to his dorm as fast as possible so he can hide under his sheets and calm his beating heart down. On his way out he crosses Padalecki one more time. If looks could kill, Jensen knows he’d be dead instantly.  


  


  
It’s been two weeks since the dreaded party that ended in failure. The spring air is warm now, flowers are decorating every corner of the city and birds build their nests high up in the trees. With the warmth and sunshine there’s a shift at university. People can’t sit still in classes anymore, eyes are constantly drifting out of the window with longing looks. Feeling the sun caress skin after months of cold seems to not only warm the body but also the hearts of students and teachers alike. Smiles are exchanged more often with people quickly passed by on the street and a few sentences spoken with the person standing next to one waiting to enter a lecture hall.

Danneel had not been happy when she woke up in a strange place after the party and had given Jensen the silent treatment for three days. Jensen thinks it’s unfair of her since he really had no other option at the time. But now they’re talking again and they meet up for ice cream after classes and the incident is mostly forgotten. Jensen only holds a tiny grudge against her these days because after all she’s the reason that he can’t use the student taxi anymore. He has also promised himself not to give in to Danneels begging, should she want to talk him into another social event that he does not want to know about. That’s kind of hard though when she and Misha work together to talk him into the same activity.

“Come on, it will be fun.” Danneel says and takes another sip from her coke through the straw, leaving more lipstick on it than is on her lips at this point.

“It is a _bowling_ competition.” Jensen whines. “Bowling is not fun. It’s stupid.”

“Have you ever been bowling before?” Misha chimes in after licking his fingers that are sticky from ice cream. “Because I’m sure I’ve never met a human being before that shares your opinion.”

“Of course I’ve been bowling before.”

“He really sucks at it, I told you.”

Jensen glares at Danneel. He isn’t exactly the best at bowling but it’s not like he can’t roll a ball in a straight line in order to hit some pins. “I’m not that bad.”

“Of course you are. What was the highest you scored? Six pins?” His best friend argues. “And half the time you didn’t even hit one of them.” Okay, maybe he is horrible at this game.

“We need someone bad on the team. Let the competition think they’ll actually have a chance against us.”

“I’m not as bad as she makes me out to be, Misha!”

Misha leaned over the table, one eyebrow raised and looking skeptical. “Then prove it to me.”

“I’m not going to do it” Jensen complains one more time. He knows that this argument is pointless. He’s going to end up doing it anyway and completely embarrass himself in front of lots of people.

Danneel and Misha share a look before Danneel says: “How much would you hate us if we told you that we already signed you up on our team?”

“A lot.”

“You’ll get over it eventually.”  


  


  
Jensen is wearing a team shirt for fucks sake- it’s black and white striped with his last name on the back and smells like plastic-, ridiculously ugly clown shoes on his feet which are so not hygienic and a frown on his face. The bowling alley is packed full because of course he needs an audience for his greatest downfall. He’s also heard that the Padalecki guy is part of the competition so the whole thing is probably rigged anyway for his team to win.

The teams are made up of five people each. Jensen has never met the other two men on his team other than Danneel and Misha before now but Danneel says she met them in class and they are friends of hers. Their names are Chris and Steve and they look laid back, like people that Jensen could actually enjoy spending time with in his spare time. It seems like Danneel has talked about him already because when they were introduced to each other they claimed to be happy to finally meet the famous Jensen Ackles. Jensen had blushed because he’s never heard their names before this day. Or maybe he just didn’t listen to Danneel when she talked about them. That happens sometimes.

The bowling competition was a failure but to Jensen’s surprise it was fun. Out of ten teams they scored the ninth place and as Jensen had already predicted, Team Padalecki wins. Big surprise.  Also he can now confirm that Jared Padalecki is a prick each and every day and not just when he’s sitting next to him at a study group. While he was standing and talking to Chris about the band the other man is in, Padalecki had walked by and deliberately collided their shoulders together, shooting Jensen a dirty look while doing so. As he walked away, Chris and him had been standing there, both stunned into silence for a moment, before finding another topic they had in common other than music: The dislike of Jared Padalecki.

Of course this is not the end of the night, as Jensen had hoped. He wouldn’t have minded going out with the team to a quiet bar to have a beer or two or maybe go home to his dorm room with Misha and watch some movies. But when do things turn out the way Jensen wants them to these days?

He’s in the back of Steve’s car, Chris claimed shotgun, sitting in the middle, squished between Danneel and Misha who talk excitedly because they are on their way to no other place than Jared Padalecki’s house for a party. Danneel was invited by Padalecki himself and agreed only under the condition that her friends could join. Jensen doesn’t like it that the guy apparently has his eyes on his best friend. That’s the only reason he’s in this car in the first place and not on his way back to his room- that and the fact that Danneel wouldn’t have let him return to his dorm if he tried to leave.

The house that Padalecki lives in is huge. It has two floors, gigantic windows and Jensen has never seen a kitchen more modern in his life nor a staircase more beautiful than the one in the entrance hall. Everything looks expensive and the bathroom on the ground floor is partly made out of real marble. Chandeliers are dangling from high ceilings and an enormous sound system is playing some run off the mill pop song loud enough to make Jensen’s heart thump in sync with the bass. There are people everywhere; girls dressed in short skirts and tops that have their boobs nearly falling out, guys in expensive looking shirts and jeans with shiny black shoes and heavy watches on their wrists. Jensen is glad that he had changed out of his team shirt into a simple black shirt after the bowling competition was over or otherwise he would have looked even more out of place than he probably does already.

This is the sort of crowd that Jensen doesn’t feel comfortable at all surrounding himself with. Danneel loves it here and he quickly loses her and Misha out of sight. He doesn’t even want to know where his roommate has skipped off to only fifteen minutes after arriving. Misha is sure to cause havoc somewhere in this house. As long as Jensen doesn’t have to witness him doing a naked handstand again whilst trying to drink beer, he doesn’t mind spending time with the other man at parties. Misha likes to lose clothes though as soon as he has alcohol in his system and that’s why Jensen is not terribly sad about losing track of him.

So Jensen sticks with Chris and Steve. They get themselves a beer bottle each and search for a quiet corner of the house to talk. To find that though inside the house is impossible and in the end they flee to the back yard and sit down in the grass, the earth beneath their jeans still a bit cold from the winter months.

Talking to Chris and Steve is easy and soon enough Steve gets up to bring more beer for them. It’s dark outside by now and the music inside the house has turned up a few notches. Jensen watches people through the windows, watches as they dance and smoke and make out with each other. It looks to be wild in there and he’s pretty sure that the guy sitting on the living room table is preparing some kind of drug. The party is everything Jensen expected a Padalecki party to be but he has to admit that the guy at least provides good alcohol and food, having had a look at the buffet earlier for a few seconds. The beer tastes amazing, the wine bottles Jensen saw earlier look expensive and not some cheap three dollar wine and Jensen had seen alcohol bottles on the kitchen counter with stuff in them that he doesn’t even know how to pronounce.

Two beer bottles later and during a passionate discussion about Lord of the Rings, Jensen realizes that he is in need of a bathroom. He contemplates just getting up and peeing into the bushes. After all it is only him, Chris and Steve out here, no other party goers are outside in the garden, but he thinks better of it. He wouldn’t like it if some stranger pissed on his plants and it would be rude of him to do the same. Jensen gets up from the ground with a sigh and leaves Chris and Steve behind with the promise to return with more beer.

The house is packed to the brim, it’s barely possible to get through all the moving bodies but Jensen is focused on his goal to find a toilet rather sooner than later and just pushes his way through, paying no attention to the people he actually jostles against. It takes a few minutes to find the bathroom on the ground floor again after only having had a look at it when passing by earlier but there are people lined up in front of it and Jensen is too impatient to wait behind them, so he takes the fancy staircase up into the first floor. The bathroom there is occupied as well but at least he doesn’t have to wait in line.

It takes three minutes and thirty-five seconds for the bathroom door to finally unlock and open and a couple stumbles out, hickeys on her neck and his hair looking like a mess. They are barely dressed and all over each other, not even noticing Jensen when they bump into him on their way out. Jensen grimaces as he enters the bathroom and the first thing he does after locking the door behind him is to go and open the window as wide as possible because the air in here reeks of sweat and sex and he doesn’t like the smell at all. Once he’s taken care of business, Jensen washes his hands in the fancy sink that seems to be made out of marble just like the one downstairs and takes a second to appreciate the fanciness the room contains.

There is a giant bathtub in the corner, easily big enough to hold at least two people if not even more. A shower can be found on the opposite side of the room, the walls are made out of glass. The bathroom has white-tiled walls and the floor is made out of black stone. Two marble sinks can be found in front of a gigantic mirror. A colorful variety of towels are stacked in an open cupboard and they look fluffier than any towels Jensen has ever seen in his entire life. Barely any hygienic products can be found in this room though so Jensen assumes that this must be the guest bathroom and if the guest bathroom already looks this luxurious, he’d really like to know what the actual master bathroom of the house looks like. He imagines golden bathtubs and honey and milk instead of water coming out of the pipes.

He figures it’s time to leave the bathroom and find the beer he’s promised Chris and Steve but when Jensen leaves the room, it’s like someone has suddenly taken the air to breathe away from him. When he first entered the house, he was distracted by his need for the bathroom but now, without a mission to complete, he’s hit full force by his surroundings. It’s like someone pulled a rug from under his feet.  



	2. Chapter 2

Panic attacks are something that Jensen Ackles had to deal with all of his life. They started when he was really young. In fact, the first one he can remember happening was when he was only eight years old. Back then he didn’t know what was going on, only recognizing that constricting feeling for what it was at the age of fifteen. They happened at the weirdest times, didn’t even need a trigger some days and he can’t deny that they are a large part of the reason that Jensen happily avoids social gatherings when he can. Panic attacks make him a shaking mess.

It’s like the ability to talk has left Jensen. He’s surrounded by too many people, too many noises. He can’t move, for god’s sake. His hands are shaking and he can hear his own heartbeat. Every inch of his skin tingles and he needs to flee, to hide in the corner, but the bathroom door behind him is already locked again, the room occupied by someone else that he hasn’t even noticed passing by. He’s getting dizzy. Breathe, right. Try to get it in through the nose, out through the mouth. He tries, but it seems like the breath gets stuck in his throat and refuses to go further down, never actually makes it to his lungs.

His feet start moving without his consent but that’s probably good because otherwise he’d still stand in this very spot tomorrow morning. He doesn’t know where he’s going but people are giving him weird looks now. He ignores them. His right hand finds the wrist of his left arm and his short fingernails dig into the skin there, dig deep in order to help him ground himself. Pain, it’s the only way for Jensen to get himself out of a panic attack as much as possible to get his shit together and find a place to hide. There’s a small hallway that’s mostly empty in this gigantic house. Only a few people are sitting on the floor and quietly talking, one girl is sleeping. The only thing in this part of the house indicating that there’s a party are the remains of red cups and the loud music that’s filling every corner of the building. The thumping of the bass is impossible to escape but Jensen’s heart beats just as loud and it’s the only thing he can really hear at the moment.

Three doors line the hallway. Jensen is frantically trying the first one to the right, but it’s locked. He tries again and again but it won’t budge, not even when he shoves against it with his shoulder. The four people sitting in the small hallway give him strange looks but he ignores them. He can’t hear anything past the thumping of his heart in his head. He needs quiet. It’s hard to stay upright when the world around him is spinning, but Jensen has to keep moving. He stumbles to the next door, past his audience and tries the handle. It’s locked as well. What kind of house is this where every door he tries is locked? His audience stands up and leaves. He doesn’t pay them any more attention. His shoulder hurts as he forces his entire body weight against the door but he can’t give up. There are probably bruises tomorrow but the pain helps him to focus, makes him inhale sharply and if that’s the only way he can breathe right now, then he’s more than willing to take it. It’s probably been over a minute that he’s tried to kick the door in and nothing works. The tears in his eyes are traitors.

Jensen is about to move on to the last door in the small hallway, the only one on the left side, desperate and heaving for air when there is the faint click of a key in one of the door locks. It couldn’t be heard over the music.

“Are you out of your mind?” an angry voice asks.

Jensen turns around. The door is open. He barely registers the man standing inside and giving him a dirty look, his wrists are scratched red at this point. It’s Padalecki. Of course of all the people in this house, it’s Padalecki who sees him like this. If he wasn’t so out of his mind he’d probably turn around and leave this very second. In his current state he doesn’t even realize that he knows the person in front of him. He afterwards always wonders what he must have looked like. Crazy. Insane. Danneel claims he looks vulnerable. He doesn’t believe her.  Padalecki looks annoyed at first and if Jensen was more focused right now, he would have seen the pure disgust written on the other man’s face when he lays his eyes on Jensen. His features soften quickly though as he takes in wide eyes and shaky breathes. He opens the door a little bit wider in invitation.

“Come in.”

It’s an invitation that Jensen doesn’t have to be told twice. He slips through the doorway and as soon as the door is closed behind him and he hears the lock turn, he collapses to the floor, back against the wall. The minutes after that are nothing but a blur to him. His knees are up against his chest, his arms protectively around his knees and his nails still digging into his wrists. Jensen isn’t really aware of the fingers that are pulling on his own, trying to stop the pain he inflicts upon himself without even realizing that he’s doing it. A voice is talking to him but it’s impossible to listen to the words, to find out their meaning. The voice is talking quietly though and it’s nice to listen to. Jensen’s eyelids are squeezed together tightly and he tries to focus on the sound of it. When the tight grip he has had on his own wrists gets loose, a warm hand takes his. It’s guided to a chest, he can tell that from the steady heartbeat that he feels under the palm of his hand. The chest rises and sinks very slowly as if the other person is taking deep controlled breaths. Without even noticing it, Jensen tries to match them. His cheeks are wet and even with eyes closed and sitting on the floor he still feels dizzy.  His body is shaking and he doesn’t know how long he sits there- could be minutes, could be hours- before he is finally exhausted enough to flee into the safety that is sleep.

The first thing Jensen is really aware of are voices, one familiar female one, the other two male ones only distantly recognized. The second thing he becomes aware of is the warmth and softness surrounding him. It’s a bed he’s lying in without a doubt but it feels strange, wrong in a kind of way that he can’t put a finger on. It smells different but in a good way. He tries to figure out what’s going on, tries to remember what happened the last time he was awake but his brain feels sluggish, like it’s been a hot day and he’s eaten too much ice cream and is exhausted from doing nothing. He should probably open his eyes, try to wake up and figure out what feels wrong with this entire situation but he can’t be bothered. His eyelids are too heavy and he keeps them closed. It takes only seconds for him to fall asleep again.

The second time he wakes up is far less pleasant than the first time. One minute he’s asleep and the next one he’s awake and upright in bed, heart racing in his chest and memories hitting him from what happened last night. The room he’s in isn’t familiar to him. There’s posters on walls and a giant bookshelf that is filled to the brim with books and DVDs. The bed he is in is big, the mattress firm, the blanket soft and the pillows feel like heaven, but the green bedsheets are unfamiliar and what felt like a warm safe place not too long ago now feels scary and wrong against his skin. The only thing that calms Jensen’s mind is the fact that he’s wearing clothes, the same clothes he wore when attending last night’s party and if Jensen is not mistaken, if he really remembers correctly, then he is in Padalecki’s room right now, occupying his bed. He is literally in the place that thousands of people around the world want to be in. How did he get here? The last thing he distinctly remembers is sitting on the floor midst panic attack.

Jensen is alone in the room and he can’t deny that for a second the urge to snoop around overwhelms him, but he’s a decent human being so he buries the thought as quickly as it has risen to the surface and gets out of bed. He finds his shoes next to the bedframe and puts them on before leaving the room. The sun is high in the sky already. He must have slept for quite a while. Jensen makes his way down the staircase that is just as impressive in the daylight. He can hear voices coming from the general direction of the kitchen now and as he is about to take the final step he stops. What is he supposed to do now? Go to the kitchen? Sneak out? Either way it’s awkward.

“Look, sleeping beauty is awake” a voice says in amusement and Jensen turns with wide eyes. Chad Michael Murray is in the hallway, dressed in nothing but boxershorts and white socks with a bad case of bedhead and a cocky smile on his face. Dark circles are prominent under his eyes. This situation is most likely the weirdest Jensen will ever encounter in his entire life.

“Breakfast is in the kitchen, go help yourself.” And with that Murray passes him and takes the stairs two steps at a time. Jensen looks after him. His plan to sneak out unnoticed by anyone just died and his stomach rumbles. Red plastic cups are everywhere as he makes his way to the kitchen.

He’s about to enter but then the picture in front of him makes Jensen freeze, eyes going comically wide and suddenly Chad Michael Murray in boxershorts is not the strangest thing he’s seen in his entire life anymore. Danneel is perched on a barstool with a plate in her hand filled with pancakes and fruits, topped with whipped cream. She’s talking and gesticulating and laughing and looks flawless as ever, dressed in a t-shirt way too big for her tiny frame and jogging pants that go way past her ankles. Jared Padalecki is on the other side of the counter, behind the stove, dressed in jogging pants and shirt as well but contrary to Danneel, the clothes actually fit him. There’s a pan in one hand and a spatula in his other hand, a bit of flour on his cheek and he’s laughing about something while making pancakes. Jared Padalecki is making pancakes and Jensen isn’t sure if he’s not actually still dreaming because he’s been awake for like five minutes and has already seen more strange things than in the last twenty-something years he’s walked this earth.

“Jensen!” Danneels face lights up when she finally notices him standing there. “We thought you’d never wake up. Come and sit down! You need to try Jared’s pancakes; they are the best you’ve ever had. Even better than your mom’s- no offense.”

Jared Padalecki blushes and lowers his head as if embarrassed by the compliment. Jensen blinks a couple of times because he’s still not entirely convinced that he’s awake.

“I think-“ he starts but his voice breaks and he has to clear his throat before starting again. “I think I need a second to get over seeing Chad Michael Murray in boxershorts.” He blurts it out and it’s the most stupid sentence he could have said in this situation, but Jared Padalecki chuckles.

“I can relate to that. It’s horrible to see Chad half naked first thing in the morning. I have to live through that every single day. I hope you’re still up for pancakes though.”

Jensen hates to admit it, but Danneel is right. Jared’s pancakes are the best pancakes he’s ever eaten in his entire life. Apparently he learned to make them at the age of six. His granny had taught him how to make them after he wouldn’t stop asking for them.

It’s still surreal to sit in the most luxurious house he’s ever set foot into and eat breakfast made by none other than the son of a Hollywood actor and a country singer, but Jensen feels his shoulders relax after a few minutes of idle chatter between his best friend and the other man. He stays quiet, sips his coffee and eats his food until Danneel decides to include him into the conversation.

“Jared has to tell you a funny story, Jensen!” She says and there’s the way she bites her lip to keep from grinning that Jensen is all too familiar with. It means that there’s something about to come that she finds very entertaining. Jared is blushing again, this time darker than after she complimented him and ducks his head, pretending not to have heard her as he busies himself with loading the dishwasher. Danneel looks at him expectantly and as he’s still not doing what she wants him to do, she rolls her eyes and just tells Jensen herself what she wanted Jared to tell him.

“As it turns out, Jared works for the student taxi service. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” And now it’s Jensen who blushes because he’s still really embarrassed about the incident that happened not all that long ago. He hopes that Danneel hasn’t told Jared about it. It’s undeniable that he is also surprised by this piece of information. Driving around at night without being paid for it and gathering up drunken students does not sound like something that he would have ever expected from the other man. “And as it turns out, he was working the very night that we went to the party, the night that the driver-“

“We all know what happened Danneel, you don’t have to tell the story again” Jensen interrupts her.

She pouts and sticks her tongue out, before continuing. “But I’m not even at the good part yet. When I couldn’t find you at the party anymore last night I went on a search for you and as it turns out, I bumped into Jared here and asked if he had seen you. And Jared has a very good memory; in fact he has a memory good enough to remember that he had seen me and you together before.” And suddenly Jensen is dreading the way this conversation turns even more.

“You were completely hysterical when you didn’t find him.” Jared chirps in quietly.

“I was worried about my best friend. That gives me a very good reason to freak out.” Danneel shrugs her shoulders. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is-“

“I’m sorry, okay?” Jared interrupts her, something neither Jensen nor Danneel had expected and they both look at him in surprise. Jared’s entire face is the deepest shade of red a human face could possibly be and he tries to hide it behind his long hair as much as he can. “Please don’t drag this out even more; it’s not going to make this less humiliating for me.”

“The taxi driver was you.” Jensen concludes out of everything he’s heard now. “I can’t believe you work for the student taxi service.”

Both sets of eyes in the room are on Jensen again. “I practically called you a rapist that night, acted like a complete asshole in the study group _and_ ran you over on purpose in the bowling alley and the only thing you have to say to this is that you’re surprised I volunteer for the taxi service?”

“Wait, what study group?” Danneel asks confused, but both males ignore her. She huffs and crosses her arms in front of her chest, not enjoying not being included in this conversation anymore.

“ _That_ was the reason you acted that way? I thought you were just being an asshole.”

“Only being an asshole to someone I thought was taking advantage of a drunk girl. There’s a huge difference, man.”

“Jared promised to take you from the blacklist again since it all was a misunderstanding” Danneel happily chimes in. “You can now officially be my sober party buddy again.”

Jensen groans and turns to Jared. “Maybe you shouldn’t take me from the blacklist after all.” He receives a punch in his shoulder from Danneel and a chuckle from Jared, who busies himself again with loading the dishwasher. When Jensen leaves the house with Danneel only minutes later and gets into a taxi- she has an important meeting she needs to go to and he gladly takes the chance to leave with her because he finds this entire situation extremely awkward- he has to admit to himself that Jared Padalecki might not be the giant asshole that he thought the man to be. And when Danneel corners him in the taxi, asks about the panic attack he had last night and if he’s okay, he also realizes that he escaped without a thank you or explanation for Jared. He doesn’t think that he’ll ever see the other man again though, so Jensen guesses that it’s okay. At least he didn’t snoop around in Jared’s room. The other man should appreciate that and take it as a thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

  


  


They say time flies by when you’re having fun but time also flies by suspiciously fast when exams are coming up. One moment it’s still two months until the dreaded time of the term and the next moment it’s two days until an important exam and no time to cram all the important knowledge into the brain. Jensen, Danneel and Misha have lived on coffee and fast food for quite a while now and when the term was over and summer holidays were about to begin, they celebrated by going to a bar and watching Chris and Steve perform with their band. Even Jensen had enough alcohol to not remember how he got home the next morning but he woke up with Misha cuddled up next to him in his own bed, both dressed in the clothes of the other and just figured that he’d rather not know what actually happened.

With summer came also the time to say goodbye to friends for a few months as Jensen was going back home to Texas for the summer. Danneel had joined him for two weeks before going on a road trip with friends from high school. His nights were long and filled with family and barbeque. It was a good summer, one of the best in Jensen’s life because he finally valued the time he got to spend with his family after barely seeing them for a year. Sometimes Jensen’s at a supermarket and passing the magazine aisle and can’t help looking into the horrible gossip magazines to find out what’s going on with Jared. It looks like he is spending his summer on a yacht somewhere in the south of France. Nearly every fourth day there are rumors of him having hooked up with someone else and Jensen Is surprised to find out from the magazines that Jared is openly bisexual. When his little sister gives him a suspicious look upon finding him reading one of the magazines in the store in the middle of August it’s the last time he ventures down that aisle. He buys the magazine in his hands anyway and gives it to her as a gift. At the age of fifteen, her entire room is plastered with posters of hot male celebrities. Jared’s face is on the walls at least five times. She’s more than happy when Jensen pushes the magazine into her hands after paying for it.

With a new year at university comes a new chapter of life. Living in dorms had been fun but now it’s time to be completely independent and that’s why Jensen, Danneel and Misha move into a small apartment in walking distance of the university. It’s almost too small for three people to live in and there’s always a fight in the morning for the bathroom. Jensen doesn’t need long but Danneel takes up nearly half an hour and Misha even fifteen minutes longer. He refuses to tell them what he does in there for that long since he comes out of the room looking just the same as he did when entering, not even wearing different clothes. It’s October, about a month after moving in together and so far things are great, thanks to the rules they’ve come up with. Danneel is only allowed to have small social gatherings in the apartment, Misha is not allowed to use fire and Jensen isn’t allowed to be so god damn grumpy all the time.

With October also comes the time of Halloween. Jensen’s never been a big fan of it. He doesn’t like spooky movies and he thinks it’s stupid to dress up since most people don’t even dress up scary but sexy and use Halloween as an excuse for more alcohol than on a normal day. It’s not a holiday in Jensen’s eyes and there’s nothing festive about it and still Danneel was able to talk him into joining her for a Halloween party. Of course.  Jensen thinks that Misha is lucky because he doesn’t have to join them. Instead he’s going on a date, which comes to a surprise to everyone. It’s a girl named Vicki he’s going out with and Danneel, who has briefly met her once, says that she looks friendly.

Danneel dressed up as a zombie princess and Jensen thinks it suits her. He doesn’t like though that she’s putting make up all over his face with the intention to make him a vampire. His face is now white, dark circles under his eyes and fake blood is on the corner of his mouth that tastes absolutely disgusting. He's forced to wear a white button-down and black jeans and she ties a black cape around his neck. It’s moments like this that he regrets ever having met the redhead.

She takes Jensen to a club he’s never been to before. It’s stupid but he feels like she’s betrayed him. Not only is she taking him to a club- a place that he absolutely loathes, even more than house parties- but she’s also taking him to a place that is unfamiliar to him. House parties he can deal with. They are more intimate, there’s always a corner to find where Jensen can be on his own but a club is on a whole other level. Sweaty people are grinding against each other everywhere; creepers are lurking in the shadowy parts of the room and watching their prey, waiting to attack. He’s close to turning around and leaving but there’s Danneels small hand in his, keeping him exactly where she wants him to be. He wouldn’t leave anyway. The thought of leaving his best friend in a place like this on her own makes him shiver.

Jensen’s job at house parties is simple: keep an eye on Danneel. Jensen’s job at clubs is not that simple: keep an eye on Danneel which is nearly impossible in the dark lights and with all the people around him and keep an eye on both their drinks to make sure that they won’t get roofied. Also make sure that the males and females making advances on him leave him alone and that neither his wallet nor his mobile phone get stolen in such a crowded place. That’s why he’s relieved when Danneel appears in front of him with an already slightly intoxicated Chad in tow and tells him that Chad asked them to join the celebration in the VIP section of the club. Jensen’s never been happier to see Murrays face.

Jensen had never been in any VIP section ever but the moment he sets foot on the upper floor of the club, where it is located, he instantly likes it. He has a view over the entire dancefloor from up here and it’s less crowded. Giant round tables are scattered around and filled with people. It seems like every table has its own waitress assigned. It’s not hard to spot the table that Jared and his friends occupy. They are the loudest and rowdiest, the girls dressed in skimpy outfits.

When Jared spots them it seems to take a few seconds for the gears to click into place in his head before he recognizes them but when he does, a wide smile spreads over his face, showing off the dimples that so many premature girls dream about at night. He’s dressed in a skeleton outfit, his face painted completely white with dark black circles around his eyes and black lines drawn over his lips to hint at teeth. He introduces them to the group, his words already a bit slurred.

Someone pushes a bottle of beer into Jensen’s hand as he sits down and Danneel is immediately drawn into a conversation with a girl that looks very familiar to Jensen while he prefers to just sit there and observe for a bit. There’s about fifteen people gathered around the table, all in various states of intoxication already. Jared is wildly gesticulating as he talks to the guy next to him, a half empty glass in front of him that looks like a rather strong cocktail. Chad is sitting to his other side, laughing about something way too loudly with his head thrown back and grabs for a glass on the table. His cocktail looks exactly the same as Jared’s  and he seems to not realize that he doesn’t have his own glass but the one Jared has just had a sip from and gulps almost any of the liquid still in it down at once. Jensen doesn’t dwell on it for too long because Danneel is turning to him now and telling him that Sophia, which is apparently the name of the girl she’s talking to right now- and oh right, she was with Jared and Chad at the study group all those months ago-, also studies Rehabilitation Medicine, just like him.

It’s three in the morning when the group leaves the club, most of them more stumbling than walking at this point. Rain is falling down from dark grey clouds. They get completely soaked while hunting down taxis for everyone or more like while Jensen is hunting down taxis for everyone, because everyone else is mostly too preoccupied with stupid drunk giggling and dancing in the rain.

The clothes are sticking to his back and the makeup Danneel so carefully applied in the early evening hours is all smudged but the rain is a nice change to the heat in the club. It’s cold already, no surprise for the end of October really and goosebumps are starting to cover Jensen’s skin under the wet clothes. He just put two more girls into taxis and made sure that they told their address before sending them into the night. Now it’s only him, Jared, Chad and Danneel standing in the rain.

Jensen waves the next taxi over and opens the door. “Chad, Jared- this one’s yours.”

Chad gets in first or more like falls inside face forward but not before patting Jensen’s cheek and thanking him for taking care of “Chaddy” so well. He starts talking about himself in third person once he’s surpassed a certain amount of alcohol. Jensen finds it strange but also kind of endearing.

Jared is next. He gives Jensen a lopsided grin with that famous dimple making an appearance again and his words are slurred as he says his goodbyes.

Jensen leans closer to him just as he’s about to enter the taxi. “You can drop the drunken act, Jared. I know that you barely drank anything tonight and made Chad drink all your stuff but don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

Jared’s grin drops immediately as their eyes connect and a blush covers his cheeks.

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing it.”

They are both frozen in place until the taxi driver complains about the cold coming in through the open door. It looks like Jared is about to climb in without another word when he ducks his head, but instead he just rattles off his address, takes a step away from the taxi and closes the door. Both men watch the car pull away and drive off in the distance before it’s Jared that takes the word again. “I’m hungry. What do you say we drop off Danneel at your place and then find a restaurant?” Jensen agrees because what else is he supposed to do?

They find a small diner only two blocks from Jensen’s shared flat that is open 24 hours a day. It looks run-down from the outside but once inside, the place has a cozy feeling to it. The blue plastic benches are demolished with holes in them and there are a few spots on the table. The pale green walls have been drawn on with pencils and pens. The menu is already falling apart between their fingers but Jensen decides that this is a place he wants to visit more often, that is if the food tastes good. They both order milkshakes and pizza and watch as the waitress leaves after having taken their order.

Until now they haven’t spoken more than five sentences with each other besides discussing what to order from the menu but it’s a comfortable silence between them. Their clothes are still wet and they are shivering from the cold and to be quite honest, both of them look like a complete mess. This is a side of Jared Padalecki that people usually don’t get to see from all the magazines.

“I like Halloween.” It’s Jared who breaks the silence between them first. “It’s the only time of the year where I can dress up and pretend to be someone that I am not. It’s the one night in the year where people don’t recognize me.”

Jensen doesn’t know how to answer to this confession so he changes the topic to something that’s been long due: “I wanted to thank you because I realized that I never really did.” Jared looks at him blankly, forcing Jensen to elaborate on a topic he much rather stop talking about again as soon as possible. “The house party? My panic attack? You took care of me and even let me sleep in your bed. That’s not something a lot of people would do.”

Jared shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not a big deal, honestly.”

“Don’t be modest. People often don’t even recognize if someone’s having a panic attack right in front of their eyes. I don’t remember a lot of what happened but I do remember that you talked to me and helped to calm me down and you did it while still thinking that I was some sort of pervert.”

“”My sister has panic attacks quite often so I feel like it’s mandatory for me to know what to do in a situation like that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Jensen says and he means it. As someone who knows from experience what it’s like to suffer through them he doesn’t wish them upon anyone, not even his biggest enemy.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about it too.”

There’s another silence between them and it’s the second time that Jensen sees that Jared Padalecki is nothing like all the gossip rags make him out to be. His shoulders are drawn in; he’s nothing like the confident young man in the magazines.

“I probably owe you an explanation.” His voice is quiet and Jensen wants to laugh out loud because really, Jared owes him nothing at all. If anything, he’s the one that owes something to Jared for helping him that night and covering his and Danneels drinks at the club tonight. He’s after all the reason this night out at the club went much smoother than Jensen had expected and for that alone, a smooth night out with Danneel, he should buy the man a bouquet of flowers and that’s exactly what he tells him. Or well, just the part about not owing anything. He doesn’t mention the flowers.

“You’re different than anyone I’ve met in a long time.” Jared says.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Jensen jokes but the look in Jared’s eyes tells him that it’s a good thing already.

“Normally when I’m willing to tell people something about myself, it’s still not enough for them, they always want to know more. They ask questions about my family and try to get pictures with me. When you were at my house, you and Danneel were the exact opposite of what I’m used to. You didn’t even try to get in touch with me afterwards and from what I heard around campus there was no story at all about Padalecki making pancakes for breakfast for some guys that stayed overnight. And today, whenever someone took a picture, don’t think I didn’t notice how you tried to stay out of the lens’s way. I appreciate that Jensen, I really do. It doesn’t happen often that I’m surrounded by people that treat me like a normal person.”

Jensen didn’t expect such heartfelt words and he’s glad that it’s this exact moment that their pizzas arrive because he honestly wouldn’t know how to answer. He feels guilty though because after all he was one of the people that judged Jared without knowing the guy. He looks down at his pizza as he thinks of a way to respond because Jared is looking at him expectantly. “The only reason I’m acting this way is to get close to you in order to have a chance with your mom.”

Jensen yelps as Jared kicks his shin hard and then they snort with laughter.

“I probably deserved that kick” Jensen squeezes out when they both calm down again. They grin stupidly at each other as Jared agrees: “Yes, you totally did.”

  
The pizza at the run-down diner was one of the best Jensen’s ever had in his life and his lips are sticky from the sweetness of the milkshake. Jared offers to pay for them both but Jensen refuses; after all the other man had already covered all their drinks that night. It’s barely after five in the morning when they leave the diner and the heavy rain has turned to drizzle. Their clothes are still damp and their eyelids heavy as they make their way towards Jensen’s apartment. It was a slow conversation, interrupted by yawning every few seconds.

“You can stay at our place, if you want to.” Jensen offers as he unlocks the front door into the stairway.

“No that’s alright; I don’t want to impose.” Jared declines but it’s not hard to see that he’s already more asleep than awake so Jensen rolls his eyes, grabs the bigger man’s arm and pulls him inside. “Don’t be stupid, Jared.” He drags him up the three flies of stairs and unlocks the entrance door. “Welcome to our humble abode.” He locks the door behind them and leaves Jared standing in the hallway. “Make yourself at home.”

Jared follows Jensen around the small apartment like a lost puppy with big eyes. They arrive at Jensen’s room, where he pulls some dry clothes out of his closet and pushes them into Jared’s hands. “They will be a bit too small but they are better than nothing I guess. Second door to the left in the hallway is the bathroom. Towels are in the cabinet under the sink. Go and get ready please, I’m more than desperate for some sleep.”

“You get grumpy when you’re tired.” Jared sounds amused but Jensen ignores the remark and just pushes the other guy out of his room- or at least tries to. Jared has a few inches on him and the only thing pushing against him does is make him grin, but he won’t move at all so Jensen resolves to grabbing his arm and dragging him out of his room again.

It doesn’t take Jared long in the bathroom but long enough for Jensen to prepare the couch and crawl under the heavy blanket. When Jared comes out in Jensen’s clothes, much too small for his body as already anticipated, he gives him a confused look. “What are you doing?”

“Sleeping, what does it look like?”

“But why are you sleeping on the couch?”

Jensen looks up and glares at Jared. “Why do you think I’m sleeping on the couch?”

It’s then that realization hits Jared and he shakes his head. “Oh no, I’m not taking your bed!”

“And why not?”

“Because it’s your bed!” Jared exclaims.

“And you’re a Sasquatch that won’t fit on the couch.” Jensen argues back. “So what do you reckon we do now? Share a bed?”

Jared shrugs and there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I don’t mind a bit of cuddling.” He leaves for Jensen’s room and Jensen thinks he finally has his peace when Jared’s head pokes out of behind the doorframe again. “Are you coming now or do I have to carry you?”

“Are you actually being serious?”

“Of course I am. I’m not going to take your bed away from you.” And that’s funny, Jensen thinks, because it’s exactly what Jared did at the night of the panic attack but he keeps quiet and just gets up from the couch, still expecting Jared to be joking.

Five minutes later he finds himself on the same mattress as Jared Padalecki, the other man’s arm wrapped around his waist and their feet entangled. Jensen had looked at him in horror as Jared had made his cuddling advances but the younger man had just rolled his eyes.

“Don’t look so shocked, Jensen.” He had laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with some platonic cuddling between two male friends.” Jensen hates to admit it, but sleeping with a warm and solid body next to him has given him one of the best rests he has had in ages.  



	4. Chapter 4

  
In November Jensen gets Jared’s phone number- on November 1st to be  exact, after the night spent together and under curious looks from both his roommates because what was Jared Padalecki doing in their flat- and a part-time job at the coffee shop close to university. It’s a cozy shop, loved by students for not only the relaxing interior but also the cheap prices and a nonetheless good tasting coffee. Jensen works sixteen hours a week and he would lie if he said that he dislikes his new job. His colleagues are nice and he gets along with his boss. It’s stressful to work while being a full-time student though but it gives Jensen the perfect excuse to not accompany both of his roommates most nights when they try to talk him into going out. He’s not even lying to them when he tells them that he is absolutely exhausted.

It’s a busy day at the coffee shop and Jensen is in his fifth hour of the six hour shift he’s currently working when the door to the shop opens. The person coming in is not only accompanied by cold November air but also a weird change of atmosphere in the shop since a hush falls over the people scattered around the room. Jensen is looking up from the register where he was currently wiping down the counter in the few spare minutes he’s had since the start of his shift and smiles when he sees who’s just entered. It’s none other than Jared, who he’s had silly text message conversations with for the past two weeks now, and all eyes in the shop are on him. It’s awkward but the person of interest doesn’t pay attention to all the stares. Instead he looks at Jensen in confusion and when it’s only the counter between them, he asks “What are you doing here?” He looks happy to see Jensen though and that pleases the other man very much. He’s come to think of Jared as a friend these days.

“I work here, you idiot. I’ve been complaining about work all week, do you even read my messages?” he jokes and throws the rag over to the sink, too lazy to move. He quickly dries his damp hands on the dark red apron he’s wearing over black jeans when a deep voice behind him sarcastically says: “If you dislike this job so much I can gladly fire your annoying ass.” It’s Ty, his boss and Jensen blushes because he hadn’t even realized that he had come out of his back office for once.

“Only about how exhausted I am afterwards, you know I like my job here,” he stammers because even though Jensen really likes Ty, he gets easily intimidated by the older man and it’s always hard to tell if he is joking or being serious.

Ty just pats his shoulders and with a wicked grin says: “Don’t get your knickers in a twist Jenny. I’d rather see you serve the customer,” before he disappears back into his back office.

Jensen turns back to Jared with red-tinted cheeks. The taller man mouths the word “Jenny” with a raised eyebrow and an amused grin.

“Shut up” Jensen grumbles “What do you want to drink?”

 

Jared becomes somewhat of a fixture in Jensen’s job after that day. He always makes sure to stop by whenever Jensen has a shift, even if it’s only two hours long and if they can, they talk for a while. It’s a comfortable friendship that has developed between them with long phone calls and late night text messages. Danneel and Misha have a blast teasing Jensen about his newfound friend because it’s a miracle that Jensen even finds friends on his own.

It’s shortly before Thanksgiving break that Jensen finds out that Jared won’t be going home- either over the Thanksgiving break nor over the Christmas break- while he’s mopping the floor of the already closed coffee shop. The only other person with them is Ella and she’s busy cleaning the coffee machine at the moment, whistling a happy tune.

“But you won’t see your family if you don’t go home!”

“It’s not like I have much contact with them anyway.”

Jensen looks up at that in surprise. Sure Jared has never really talked about his family before with him but he had always assumed that was because everyone else was already constantly asking about them in his life. It never crossed his mind before that Jared could possibly have a bad relationship with them.

“And it’s not like you’re going home for Thanksgiving either!” Jared tries to justify himself.

“That’s because it’s expensive. I’d love to go home over the break and spend Thanksgiving with them but I can’t afford two trips south in a month. What are you doing on Thanksgiving anyway?”

“Probably spend the day at home and watch some sports. Chad is going to New York City to visit his family there. They always have a huge family gathering there.”

“Can’t you go with him?”

“His family is slightly insane. I don’t think I’d survive the weekend with my sanity intact.”

Jensen hums. “You can come over to our place. Misha will be gone to visit Vicki’s family for the first time and Danneel and I decided to cook- or try to cook.” He assesses Jared thoughtfully. “You make good pancakes but do you know how to make a decent pumpkin pie?”

“I have no idea.”

“Then I guess we’ll find out soon. No excuses, I just hired you as our pumpkin pie baker for the Ackles-Harries festivities. You better not let us down.”  


  


  
On Thanksgiving the doorbell rings two minutes before 3 p.m. and Jensen almost skips to the door, he’s in such a good mood. Jensen Ackles being genuinely happy and skipping around is such a rare sight that Danneel had asked if he was okay earlier that day already with concern. Of course it’s Jared arriving because they don’t expect any other guests anyway and Jensen almost laughs when he sees the other man. Jared’s dressed in nice jeans, a light blue button-down, a brown jumper and a grey jacket and his clothes stand in stark contrast to the ones that Danneel and Jensen are currently wearing. They’ve thrown on their coziest sweatpants and the baggiest shirts they could possibly find, hair messy.

“Jared, why the hell are you always dressed up like that?” Jensen greets him with a laugh and opens the door wider to let the other man in.

“Because it’s the Padalecki holiday attire and I didn’t get the memo that this is supposed to be a pajamas party today. Be glad I didn’t go for the tie because I honestly considered it for a moment. Here, I brought the pumpkin pie and apple pie.”

“The pie is the only reason you’re granted access right now.  Now lose the jacket, lose the shoes and lose that sweater.” Jensen orders as he’s already on his way to the kitchen with the pies in his hand.

“Danneel, Jared made pie for us. You better step up your game with the turkey or otherwise he’s going to be my new best friend soon.” He gets a halfhearted “Fuck off” as reply and laughs.

Danneel has been working on this meal for hours now and had Jensen banned from the kitchen after he nearly dropped the bowl of potato salad she had already prepared the evening before. He presses a kiss to her cheek: “Calm down, it’s going to be fine. You’re nearly finished, aren’t you? Call me if you need any help.” Danneel doesn’t answer because there’s a spoon between her lips but she makes frantic movements with her hands that point into the direction of the door. Jensen follows the rules. She’s been throwing flour at him today once already to get him out and had threatened to get out the eggs next time. He really doesn’t need a repeat of that event.

Dinner is a huge success. Jensen never knew that Danneel was such a talented cook and Jared’s pies are nothing but perfection, just like his pancakes. He swears it was his first time ever making any pie but neither Jensen nor Danneel really believe it.

When they are all so full that they can’t possibly take another bite anymore, they move to the couch and watch TV for a while although none of them are paying too close attention to what is happening on the screen, joking around instead and complaining about the pain in their stomachs. In the evening they bring out the ridiculous board games that Misha hoards in his room and makes them play once a week with him. Jensen can’t remember the last time he laughed that much in one day as he has today.

Danneel goes to bed at 11 p.m., claiming that she is absolutely exhausted from all the cooking she did all day. Jensen, the good friend that he is, offered to do all the dishes as a thank you and now he’s elbow deep in soapy water and scrubbing a pan while Jared slouches on one of the kitchen stools, looking more relaxed than Jensen has ever seen him.

“I had no idea that Thanksgiving could be this much fun.” the younger man says with a contented sigh.

Jensen knows that Jared doesn’t like to talk about his family and he avoids that topic as much as he possibly can, but Jared slips sentences like these into the most random conversations with him every now and again and it’s really hard to ignore them and not dig deeper. Maybe it’s the relaxed atmosphere that loosens Jensen’s tongue tonight, but he can’t help but ask: “What does a typical Thanksgiving usually look like for you?” while grabbing for the bowl that formerly contained the potato salad to scrub it clean.

“We never celebrated much. Even back when mom and dad were married we barely had holidays with both of them. When my grandparents were still alive my siblings and I would spend our holidays there, but grandpa died when I was six and nana died when I was nine years old and after that there wasn’t much to celebrate.”

It’s not much that Jared reveals about himself but it’s enough for Jensen to realize that Jared’s childhood was not as perfect as the magazines had always made it out to be.

“Both my parents have always been so occupied with their careers. They are more scared of being out of the spotlight for good than anything else in life. I never really shared their interests but as a child I was unable to get out of castings that they dragged me into and I wanted to make them proud. I was their new way of getting into the headlines. It’s ridiculous how bad they want to be the center of attention, especially because we all know it’s going to be over for them sooner or later. They will hardly be remembered once they die. It’s partly why I study architecture. People come and go but buildings can be around for a long time. Unlike my parents I don’t feel the need to be remembered but it would be cool to build something with the knowledge that it will be there for a while, even possibly after you’re gone. It’s kind of my way to tell my parents to go fuck themselves by building something that will hopefully still be around after they are long forgotten.”

Jensen can hear the bitterness in Jared’s voice, can see the way his shoulders are tense. He’s never seen Jared this way and he’d like to give the other man a hug, but it seems like inappropriate timing. Instead he keeps quiet and just listens because he knows that’s what Jared likes best about him. He never asks any questions.

After Jensen is done with the dishes they decide to watch a movie. It’s some mindless horror movie that they’ve both seen about a thousand times already. Jared knows one of the actors playing a main character very well. Jensen is not surprised to hear that the guy is a complete drug addict. Both of them lie on the small couch, heads on opposite sides, each of them wrapped in a blanket and their feet intertwined in the middle of the couch. It’s comfortable, a good ending to the night and Jensen doesn’t stay awake for longer than the first ten minutes of the movie.

When he wakes up the next morning, he’s lying in his bed.  


  


  
It comes as a surprise when Jared asks Jensen if he wants to go to the movies with him at the beginning of December. They’ve met up at each other’s places sometimes but have never gone out together after their early morning adventure in the run-down restaurant. Jensen agrees happily. When they meet up, he’s surprised that Jared pays for both their tickets and the snacks and drinks but doesn’t think all too much about it. They are watching a comedy. It’s funny and sometimes when there’s a pun so bad that the audience can’t do anything else but laugh, Jensen steals glances over to Jared, who’s throwing his head back when laughing and that dimple appears in his cheek. Seeing him happy like this is a beautiful sight. After the movie is over they leave the cinema together and Jared walks Jensen back to his apartment, which is only a walking distance of approximately fifteen minutes away.

“I’ve had fun tonight!” Jared says as Jensen’s getting out his keys and suddenly there seems to form a lump in Jensen’s throat because this sounds like a generic ‘end of the date’ phrase. “We should do something again soon.” Why is Jared talking date language?

“Mhm.” Jensen agrees, lost for words and hoping that he misinterpreted Jared’s words. He’s fumbling with the keys now as he tries to unlock the front door when out of nowhere a much bigger hand closes around his. Within a second his entire body freezes and he stares at the hand on his hand until there’s fingers on his chin that turn his head and when did Jared come this close? He’s a bit crouched forward, his face is right in front of Jensen’s and his eyes are searching for something, nervously flitting over all of Jensen’s features. What they are searching for though he doesn’t know. And then there are warm lips on his lips, just the touch of skin on skin that doesn’t last for long but leaves Jensen feeling hot all over in the middle of a cold December night.

“Talk to you soon, alright?” Jared asks and there’s a beaming smile on his face. Jensen can only nod silently and watch as the other man waves down a taxi. It takes him another few minutes before he can finally open the front door.  


  


  
Misha made tea because according to Misha Collins, a cup of tea makes even the worst situation slightly better. It’s his favorite blend called _Intense peppermint_ that Jensen always made fun of. Now that he’s actually forced to drink a cup of it, Jensen finally understands how peppermint can be intense. The tea leaves a comfortable taste of peppermint in his mouth after swallowing that only slowly ebbs away. It’s quite calming. There’s a blanket wrapped around Jensen’s shoulders as he’s sitting on the couch. Danneel is on the floor in front of his feet, her head wresting on his knee in a gesture of comfort. Misha is sitting on an old armchair as if it is his throne. Jensen doesn’t question where the armchair has come from. It wasn’t there when he left for the cinema. He’s too preoccupied with the fact that Jared just kissed him.

“It doesn’t make any sense.” In the past half an hour Jensen has said this sentence at least seven times because really, it doesn’t make any sense. He hadn’t seen it coming and he doesn’t know what to think of it and why the hell did Jared even kiss him? It hadn’t even occurred to Jensen before that they could have possibly been on a date. Nothing makes sense right now.

“Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing.” That’s Danneels opinion on the situation and Jensen would like to believe that but it still doesn’t explain anything at all.

Jensen knows that he’s acting like a twelve year old virgin, something that he’s by far not anymore- at least not when it comes to men- but Jared is his friend and he didn’t see this coming and how could Jared just _kiss_ him?

“He doesn’t even know that I like guys.” He rattles on, his thoughts non-stop racing through his head.

Danneel suddenly stares at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing she’s ever seen in her entire life. “I might have let that slip when we solved the whole taxi issue situation when you were asleep during your panic attack.”

“You should talk to him,” is Misha’s advice, “but if you’d prefer I can also kill him for you and hide the body somewhere no one will ever find it.”

Jensen complains about the friends he’s stuck with a lot but it’s moments like this that he realizes that they are the best he could ever ask for. That still doesn’t mean that he knows how to handle the Jared situation.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Next time Jensen sees Jared is on a Wednesday. They bump into each other on campus. Jared is surrounded by a group of people, none of which Jensen recognizes and Jensen is having a bad day. He’s been waking up with that familiar feeling of anxiety bubbling in his chest. He contemplated not leaving bed at all but he had an important lecture at university today that he couldn’t afford to miss.

Every step outside of his flat- his comfort zone- is torture to him. Between lectures he hides in bathroom stalls, during lectures he occupies the closest seat to the exit he can manage to find. It is hard concentrating on words being said when the heartbeat in his chest is loud enough for him to not hear anything else. He’s left two lectures today already with just as much knowledge as he’s had before attending them because he just couldn’t concentrate.

There’s still one more lecture scheduled for the day but Jensen can’t possibly go there. He’s on his way home when he spots Jared and Jared simultaneously spots him and waves him over. But there are strangers there and a lot of eyes are on Jared from onlookers as well and these eyes would then also be on him and Jensen can’t deal with that right now.  He just shakes his head and tries to ignore the way the corners of Jared’s mouth slightly drop. His footsteps are speeding up as the desire to hide in his room grows stronger and stronger with each second. When he finally arrives at the front door of his flat, he’s out of breath.

  
“You’ve got a guest.” Danneels voice is quiet in the dark of the room.

“I don’t want to see anyone.” Jensen is lying on his bed, cocooned up in a blanket and staring blankly at the wall. The mug of hot chocolate that Danneel had prepared for him quite a while ago is still untouched on his nightstand and cold by now.

“I told him that already but he’s quite stubborn.”

“Send him away.”

Danneel leaves the room again. The next time the door to his room opens and the light from the hallway illuminates the room he knows immediately that it’s not his best friend standing in his doorway.

“Didn’t Danneel tell you to go away, Jared?” Jensen knows that he’s rude but he can’t help it. That’s what anxiety does to him. It drains out all his emotions, leaves him exhausted and makes him give no fucks about other peoples feelings anymore.

“I wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I’m not. Thanks for checking up on me. Can you go now, please?” The last word comes out more pleading than he intended it to.

Of course Jared doesn’t listen to Jensen, even though he said please. He enters the room and closes the door behind him. Jensen squints and curses as the lamp on his nightstand is turned on. Jared is sitting down on the mattress next to where he’s lying and looks genuinely concerned. Jensen feels almost guilty for being rude now. Almost.

“What’s wrong, Jensen?” He’s chewing on his bottom lip as he waits for an answer from the other man. “Did something happen? Or was it a panic attack?”

Jensen looks up from where he is buried under his protective blankets and sighs. He doesn’t feel like talking but Jared doesn’t look like he’s going to leave either. “I just had to deal with some anxiety issues today.”

Jared perks up at that. “What triggered them?”

The other man can’t help but to laugh bitterly. “I wish something triggered them because then I would know how to keep them from happening. I have an anxiety disorder, Jared. On some days I feel good and on some days I feel bad and can’t bring myself to leave the house. There’s nothing I could possibly do about it but deal with it and hope for the anxiety to pass.” He’s spitting the words out like they are poisonous venom. “I’ve been this way since I was a kid.”

“I told you once that my little sister Megan has panic attacks, right?” Jensen has no idea what Jared’s little sister has to do with anything he just said but he listens anyway. “She was a happy child up until the age of nine. That was when things changed. She wouldn’t talk anymore and spent long hours locked away in her room, refused to eat much. My parents ignored her behavior for the most part and our nanny wasn’t exactly a person that was interested in our well-being, just the money that my parents provided her with at the end of a month. She was eleven when she finally found the courage to tell me about how our uncle, my father’s brother, sometimes touched her in places she didn’t want him to or made her do things that she didn’t want to do. It was only after he raped her though that she told me about it.”

Jensen’s mouth is dry as he listens to Jared’s words and his heart aches for a girl he’s never met. “It was me who told our parents but they refused to press charges against our uncle. They did cut all ties with him and we never saw him again but they didn’t want what happened to become public because it would mean bad publicity for them. Megan’s panic attacks started soon after the last time she saw him. They were triggered by being touched, by seeing men, by anything really back in the days. She’s better now, timid and still not keen to be touched. I never asked why your panic attacks occurred and after the last time we met I guess I was worried now that-“Jared stops in his rambling. He’s picking nervously at the hem of his black button-down and his eyes are flitting through the room as if they are not sure where to linger.

“Jared,” Jensen says quietly. He feels like he lost his words after what Jared just told him and he wants to throw up. “I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your sister, I really am, but unlike her I was born this way. Nothing in my life happened that made me the way I am now, don’t worry. You didn’t trigger anything when you kissed me.”

“You looked like you were about to have a breakdown.”

“Because I was surprised and had no idea what to do.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. And thank you for checking up on me and for trusting me enough to tell me about your sister.”

“You should meet her someday. I’m sure you two would get along well. I haven’t seen her in a while now since she’s still down in California.”

“What’s she doing in California?” Jensen asks and listens how Jared excitedly tells him about her. About the fact that she lives with people now, a couple called Jim and Sam, that have been good friends of their grandparents and take great care of her now that he’s gone and that she will graduate this year. There’s a fond look in his eyes, the look of a proud big brother and it makes Jensen smile as he listens to Jared brag about how smart his little sister is.

  


  


The Christmas holidays couldn’t come fast enough for Jensen. Not only is Christmas his favorite holiday but he’s also missed his family a lot in the days since Thanksgiving. His days are filled with laughter and mindless banter with his siblings and long conversations with his parents. He eats more than he should and spends his evenings in front of the cozy fireplace, watching Christmas movies surrounded by the people dearest to him. Danneel and her family come over on Christmas Day, a tradition that’s been going on for years now and they all spend the day together playing games.

Misha sends Jensen a picture of himself and Vicki in front of the Eiffel tower on December 26th. Jensen replies with a lot of question marks because last thing he heard, Misha and his now official girlfriend had planned a trip to New Orleans. Misha answers the question marks with a winking smiley, which isn’t much of an explanation but Jensen didn’t expect anything else anyway.

On December 27th Jensen receives a text from Jared saying he is bored. Despite his intentions in November to stay up in Washington for the holidays, he had booked a plane ticket to Los Angeles to spend Christmas with his sister and their family friends. Jensen replies jokingly that he should fly down to Texas and visit him because there’s never a boring second passing by at the Ackles residence. Jared half an hour later replies with a picture of a booking confirmation for a flight on December 29th to Dallas. It seems like Jensen has to teach him a lesson on how jokes work sometimes in the near future.

The best thing about Jared staying at Jensen’s family home for the rest of the holidays has got to be the look on Mackenzie’s face. She’s still dressed in her pajamas when Jensen comes back with Jared in tow from the airport. Jensen has never seen anyone’s face go as red as hers does before she flees the room as fast as humanly possible. Jared looks concerned about her reaction but Jensen just can’t stop laughing about it.

Jensen’s parents welcome Jared with open arms. They are aware of who he is, after all his face is plastered all over their daughter’s room, but treat him just like any other friend that Jensen has brought home so far and Jared gets along with his parents really well. His father is particularly interested in the fact that Jared studies architecture and keeps asking him questions about it all the time. Jensen can tell that the other man loves answering them.

  


  


On New Year’s Eve they decide to stay at home. Mackenzie is at a friend’s party and Jensen’s parents are out for dinner with his older brother Josh and his fiancée in some really fancy restaurant that serves them twelve courses. It’s one of the restaurants that only have these tiny portions on the plates. Jensen would at least need twenty courses when eating there to even come close to feeling full.

They decide to pop in a movie at around 9 p.m. and open a bottle of white wine for themselves after already having emptied another bottle of sparkling wine. Jensen’s already a tiny bit tipsy as is Jared and both would be lying if they said that they’d be paying any attention to the movie at all.

“Remember that time you made everyone believe that you were drunk at Halloween. You never told me what that was about.” Jensen says. His eyes are closed and his head rests on Jared’s shoulder. Jared smells good, like a mixture of wood and that smell of rain on the pavement after a hot summer day and Jensen feels content with the way they are right now.

“I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” Jared’s words are a bit slurred at this point already and Jensen knows this time that it’s not an act. “But I don’t like drinking that much alcohol so Chad helps me out, drinks my stuff when no one looks while I just sip at my drinks. Pictures of a drunken Jared at the club bring more publicity than a sober Jared.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Jensen exclaims. “You don’t even strike me as a person that is seeking for attention.”

“It’s the price I have to pay for having famous parents. They need the attention and what better way is there to get it than by using their child? I never wanted to be an actor but they made me go to auditions at an age where I couldn’t even talk yet. When the hype about them calms down and they need to get themselves back into the spotlight somehow, I’m the joker they pull out. I don’t get a say in it because it’s either me or Megan. I want her to live a normal life though. My older brother Jeff is lucky that he is a product of my dad cheating on my mom. They kept him hidden from public and he’s living the dream. He has his own medical practice and a family and never had to be in the spotlight.”

Some of the words Jensen is familiar with from Thanksgiving, that Jared has a brother though comes as a big surprise. “You’re a good brother for trying to keep your sister away from this life.” Jensen says. Jared sounds sad when he talks about the way things are and Jensen would like to hug him very much right now.

“I try my best.”

They continue to watch the movie in silence but halfway through Jared’s arm snakes over Jensen’s shoulder. “You know I’ve never had someone like you in my life, someone I could talk to like this that actually understands what I’m going through and doesn’t just tell me to suck it up and enjoy the perks, like Chad does.” Jensen hums.

When the movie ends, the wine bottle is empty already and a second one opened up and missing the first quarter. Jared is pressed against Jensen’s side, the other man well aware of the close contact. He feels drunk and hot where Jared touches him and his lips are painfully dry. He quickly swipes over them with his tongue. Jared tracks the movement of the tongue, mesmerized by the look of Jensen’s lips. He’s the one leaning forward first, initiating what’s about the happen like he did last time but this time Jensen’s not frozen in place like a deer caught in the headlights. It’s him who is closing the distance between them.

The kiss is completely different than the one they shared the first time. At Jensen’s front door the touch of their lips was gentle like a feather, Jared’s lips tasting like the saltiness of popcorn and the sweetness of coke. Now their lips are clashing together as Jared pulls Jensen closer and he tastes of nothing but wine. He cradles Jensen’s head in the palms of his hands to ensure that the other man doesn’t break contact, doesn’t pull away. Jensen’s hands instinctively go up and he buries his fingers in Jared’s hair, tugs on it ever so lightly. The moan he gets from Jared in response is the best sound he’s ever heard in his life. It’s deep and filthy and Jensen wants to hear it again.

He moves now, still not breaking any contact with the younger man, and straddles his hips. Both men are wearing jogging pants and both pair are equally tented. Somewhere in the back of his mind Jensen knows where this is going and maybe they should slow this down but it’s been a long time since Jensen was sexually active with another person and he doesn’t think he could stop at this point, not unless Jared told him to.

But Jared is putty in Jensen’s hands at this point, arching his back as Jensen tugs at his hair again and whimpering. His hands have found Jensen’s hips by now. His fingers dig into Jensen’s flesh their and he urges the man on top of him to move, to thrust forward. Jensen can’t deny Jared’s request. He moves his hips forward as he opens his mouth for Jareds tongue to explore.   Their erections brush together and even if there are four layers of clothing between them now it feels like a firework is going off in Jensen.

They don’t stay in that position for long because all of a sudden Jared is moving, picking Jensen up and throwing him on the couch. His hands find Jensen’s hips again and tug at the waistband of the trousers and boxershorts but before he removes them, he looks up at Jensen once more questioningly. The older man nods his consent and that’s all it takes for Jared to pull his pants and underwear down to his knees before losing his own bottoms completely.

Jensen is mesmerized by the sight in front of him and his cock twitches excitedly. He isn’t allowed much time to stare though because Jared straddles his hips now and lines their cocks up next to each other. He leans forward and his hot breath is fanning over Jensen’s neck, making goosebumps appear and sending shivers down his spine. Jared’s teeth graze the skin on his neck and nip on it playfully as he takes his hand and wraps it around both their erections. He starts stroking them both so slowly that it’s almost painful. Jensen wants to curse at him and tries to buck his hip forward but to no avail. He can feel Jared grin against his neck and moves his head to capture the other man’s lips in another passionate kiss, happily moaning when Jared finally speeds up the movement with his hand.

It doesn’t take long for them both to turn into whimpering messes desperate for release and once Jared incorporates that one twist of his wrist into the strokes, Jensen comes embarrassingly fast, shooting all over the t-shirt he’s still wearing. Jared follows a few strokes later and Jensen watches in fascination as his face scrunches up while he’s lost in the pleasure of his orgasm. The noises he makes, the guttural moans combined with the way he thrusts his hips in time with his strokes while still holding Jensen’s now softening member in his hand almost makes Jensen hard again. Jareds come mixes with Jensens own on his shirt and once he’s done, the hand he’s holding himself up on gives out and he topples on Jensen, smearing the mess of come all over his own shirt.

The only sound in the room is panting as both try to regain their breaths. Soon enough Jensen squirms because Jared’s weight on top of him is uncomfortable. Jared doesn’t react though and the other man lets out an annoyed sigh once he realizes that he has fallen asleep. After wriggling around a bit more and shifting the weight of the giant on top of him around, he finally finds a position to lie in that allows him to actually breathe even though there’s a heavy man pressing down on his chest and soon after he too falls asleep.

It is 2 a.m. when Jared wakes him up by shaking his shoulder and tells him to hurry up, because his parents ‘car just drove into the garage. They grab Jared’s trousers and stumble upstairs and without thinking, Jensen grabs Jared’s wrist and pulls him into his bedroom instead of letting him go to the guest bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

  
  


They don’t talk about what happened on New Year’s Eve but things still change between them. Sometimes Jared presses a soft kiss on Jensen’s lips when nobdoy’s around to see. Other times Jensen cuddles up next to him on the couch once the lights in the room are off when they watch a movie with his family. What Jared likes to do most apparently is to sneak up behind Jensen and circle the younger man’s upper body with his arms and press kisses to his cheeks and nose until Jensen starts giggling. He also enjoys sneaking into the shower when Jensen is under the hot water. Jensen enjoys that time as well, the feeling of Jared’s erection between his palms or in his mouth. Jared is an incredible lover. Jensen swears that he’s never come as hard as he does when his cock is between Jared’s lips and his hands are buried in the other man’s long hair.

Every night once the lights are off in the Ackles household, Jared tiptoes out of his room and across the hallway to Jensen’s bedroom. The other man already waits for him and holds up his blanket as an invitation to join him in bed. They set an alarm on the clock for 5.00 a.m. each day and fall asleep with the comfort of a warm body next to them until the harsh tone of the clock awakens them and tells Jared that it’s time to get up and back into his room. These are the best Christmas holidays that Jensen has ever had.

  


  


  
Danneel picks up on the change in their relationship almost immediately and teases them about it at the airport before they’ve even boarded the plane to Seattle. Though only when they arrive at their apartment without Jared does she corner Jensen about it.

“I can’t believe you two fuck.” Her voice is high-pitched in excitement and Jensen winces.

“We haven’t even had sex yet Danneel, calm down.” He tries to shush her.

The door to Misha’s room opens. “Who fucks?” He looks tired with deep bags under his eyes, jetlag from his trip to Europe he claims later on.

“Glad to see you made it back to the States in one piece as well.” Jensen says sarcastically.

He tries to put a hand over Danneels mouth to shut her up but it’s already too late. “Jared and Jensen.”

Misha immediately perks up at that. “When did it start?”

“We didn’t even fuck, guys!” Jensen throws his hands up in frustration because talking to these two is like talking to a wall. He says things but the wall won’t listen.

Misha rolls his eyes. “When did the sexual activities between you two occur?”

Jensen blushes. “That’s none of your business. Don’t you have a sex life of your own that you’re so interested in mine?”

Suddenly Misha is standing right in front of him, a finger pointed right in the middle of Jensen’s chest and repeats his question with an intensity that makes Jensen take a step back from him in surprise. Danneel is watching him expectantly as well. What the hell is wrong with his friends being this interested in things that are not even their business all of a sudden?

“It was on New Year’s Eve.” He admits and watches as they exchange looks. “What is wrong with you two?”

“Was it before or after midnight?” Danneel asks.

“Excuse me?”

“Before or after midnight?”

Jensen stares at her as if she’s lost his mind.  “Why does that even matter?” he asks exasperated.

“Just answer the stupid question!” Misha nearly growls.

“Calm the fuck down you guys. It was before midnight, okay? Like an hour and a half before but what does that even matter?”

He watches in confusion as simultaneously Misha makes some kind of happy little jump and throws his hands in the air and Danneel throws her head back in frustration.

“You owe me twenty bucks” Misha nearly sings and suddenly he hugs Jensen before happily skipping off into his room. “I can finally go to sleep. My dreams are going to be glorious, I can already tell. They will involve nakedness and a golden bathtub filled with money.”

“Couldn’t you guys have kept it in your pants for another two hours?” Danneel asks after watching Misha leave with a pout and she sounds truly pissed. Jensen glares at her. “Couldn’t you guys not have made a bet about my sex life?”

  


  


  
Jared and Jensen never really put a name on it, but what they have with each other feels a lot like a romantic relationship to Jensen. They go out together to the cinema or to get coffee and maybe they don’t hold hands in public like others do but once they are behind closed doors they act like the ultimate couple. They cook together and have flour fights and they study together in bed and when they sit at a table to have meals with each other, they play footsie under the table. It’s nice to have a person like that in his life after a long time of being on his own in a romantic way and Jensen enjoys every minute of it.

Before the first kiss they had shared in that cold night back in December, Jensen had never thought of Jared as more than just a friend. These days though he sees him in a completely different light. Jared is beautiful and sexy and the way he laughs not only with his mouth but with his entire body is endearing. He loves Jared’s hazel-colored slanted eyes and he could kiss the dimple in his cheek over and over and over again.

Jensen joins Jared for the study group he hasn’t visited for a long time now. Richard looks like he’s seen a ghost when he watches them both enter together, talking and joking. Sophia is with them and she’s someone that Jensen has met more often over the last month too. When they spot each other in a lecture hall they will talk and sit next to each other. She’s nice and has a good sense of humor and it’s funny to watch how Chad tries to impress her all the time but fails. Jensen almost feels sorry for the other man who he slowly also develops a soft spot for. Sure Chad Michael Murray is annoying and he’s the one actually enjoying the spotlight and the parties happening in his and Jared’s house every now and again but if he wants to, he can be a really good friend.

  
On a Wednesday Jared looks nervous as he approaches Jensen on the school campus. He’s alone, only looks are following him today instead of a small crowd of people. Jensen is sitting on the grass, his back against a tree and reading through the notes he had taken during an earlier lecture. It’s a good day. The weather is shining and Jensen feels relaxed and calm and greets Jared with a smile, genuinely glad to see the other man.

“What’s up?” he asks and watches as the taller man lowers himself to also sit on the grass with his legs crossed. For Jensen it’s not hard to tell by now when Jared is nervous. The other man will constantly pick on the hem of his t-shirt or crack his knuckles and his eyes can’t focus on the same thing for longer than a few seconds. He also likes to hide half his face behind his hair. Jensen thinks it’s kind of endearing.

“Mom’s in Seattle for a concert tomorrow and I was wondering if you’d like to go there with me.” Jensen had known that Mary was in town for a concert but he had never mentioned it to Jared, after hearing how the other man had talked about his parents in a negative way in front of him. To be asked to now accompany Jared to his mother’s concert comes as a real surprise to him.

“Tomorrow?” he asks. “That’s really short-notice.”

Jared shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve been contemplating if I wanted to go or not and I think it would be nice to see her again. Also I’d really like for you to meet my family. It would only be fair since I got to meet yours already.” Jensen pales. When Jared said he wanted to go to the concert he had not thought that Jared meant he wanted him to meet his mother. “We could watch the concert from the side of the stage so you won’t have to deal with the crowds or maybe the VIP area if you’re up for that and afterwards go to a restaurant with her.” Jensen’s heart flutters when he hears how Jared had spent his thoughts on how to keep Jensen away from the crowds already and he can’t possibly deny the other man’s request.

“Of course I’ll go to the concert with you.”

Jared’s entire face lights up at that. “Awesome, I will call mom and tell her. Chad will be there too by the way and if they want to, Danneel and Misha can come to the concert as well.”

“Jared, can I bring two other friends as well?” Jensen asks.

Jared looks confused as to who else Jensen could possibly want to bring but agrees anyway.

  


  


  
  


  
“I don’t know what I find weirder- the fact that I am backstage at a Samantha Smith concert or that you and Padalecki are friends.” Jensen greets Chris and Steve with a hug and blushes at Chris’ words. “Because the last time we talked about him, I’m pretty sure you called him a pretentious asshole.”

Jensen can hear Jared snicker and punches Chris in the arm. “Shut up, the last time we talked about him was at the bowling tournament”, Jensen mutters.

“To be fair, I _was_ a pretentious asshole to Jensen back then”, Jared says and steps forward with a smile on his face. He looks good, dressed in black jeans and a white button-down, his standard attire but today Jensen finds it fits him even better than usual. He himself is dressed quite similar in blue jeans and a black button-down. The only differences between them right now are that Jared wears an expensive watch on his wrists, shoes made out of leather that contrast with Jensen’s black worn-down converse and that his clothes are at least worth three times as much as Jensen’s.

Jared offers his hand to the two men and introductions are made. Jensen was a bit worried on how Chris and Steve would react to Jared but his worries were unnecessary. They are as friendly as always and express genuine excitement for seeing Jared’s mother live in concert. Who would have thought that Chris was a Samantha Smith fan? “We should head inside, the concert is starting soon and I don’t want Chad, Misha and Danneel unsupervised for too long.”

  
The concert itself is fun. They watch from the side of the stage and Jensen catches Chris sing along to some of the songs. Samantha Smith is a hurricane on stage: she dances and constantly runs from one side of the stage to the other and never misses a note or gets out of breath. Jensen only recognizes four of the songs she performs and even then he barely sings along. He’s too nervous about meeting Jared’s mother to fully enjoy the show. For two hours Samantha gives her best and once the stage lights turn off for good and the screaming of the crowd winds down, a bodyguard shows up to escort them out of the arena. The flicker of hope in Jensen’s chest of avoiding meeting Samantha Smith dies down as soon as the bodyguard lays eyes on Jared. With a gruff voice he apologizes to Jared and explains that it’s his duty to escort everyone out after the show, but since Jared is Samantha’s son he can stay. It’s then that Jared grabs Jensen’s hand and squeezes it.

“He’s with me, she knows that we’re coming”, he says in a determined voice and looks at the bodyguard challengingly.

“Of course, Mr. Padalecki, he can stay as well.” The bodyguard bows his head in respect and Jensen can only give a tiny wave in his friends’ direction before they get escorted out.

“She really doesn’t like meeting people after the show”, Jared explains. Jensen swallows nervously at that.

Jared leads them through halls and greets people ever so often, sometimes asks for directions when he thinks he’s taken the wrong turn and then they stop in front of a gray door with a sheet stuck to it that spells out ‘Samantha Smith’ in capital letters. Jensen would never admit it but he’s nervous enough that he hears his heartbeat in his ears. He watches as Jared knocks on the door and then they wait. Only now does Jared’s hand slip out of his for the first time since he grabbed it in front of the security and Jensen’s skin crawls in embarrassment because his palms are sweaty.

Seconds pass and Jensen already opens his mouth to suggest that they should maybe head home when the door gets opened from the inside and Samantha Smith stands in the doorway, her skin red and sweaty. She’s still wearing the clothes from the concert.

A smile spreads over her lips when she sees Jared but it doesn’t look right. It’s not the kind of smile that Jensen’s mother would give him when seeing him for the first time in months. The smile doesn’t reach her eyes and there is no hug accompanying it, only words.

“Jared dear, you’ve made it!” So far she hasn’t even looked at Jensen. “Can you give me half an hour and wait for me at the exit to the tour bus?” Now her eyes brush over Jensen fleetingly. “I’ll meet you boys there, alright?”

Jared can’t even agree before the door closed in his face again. With a shrug he turns to Jensen and takes his hand again with a soft smile. “I told you already that this family is fucked up, didn’t I?” he whispers before talking louder again: “What do you say we explore this place for a bit while she gets ready? It’s always been my favorite thing when I was little: Running around backstage, going under the stage, going on the stage when the audience has left- hiding from my nanny and forcing the entire crew to go on a search for me.” There is a genuine smile on Jared’s face as he starts walking and pulls Jensen along behind him. “I’m in the mood to cause some mischief.”

Most of the crew knows Jared from when he was a child. They greet him with friendly smiles but also wary looks because as it turns out, Jared has a little devil hidden inside. He enjoys locking doors and forcing the crew to find another way through the labyrinth that is the backstage area of the arena, unplugs random cables and hides microphones, sending people into frenzy when they can’t find them anywhere. His eyes sparkle like he’s a child at Christmas morning. Some people ruffle his hair affectionately; others scoff at him to grow up. Jared offers a grin to both situations before pulling Jensen away to find someone else to disturb. Jensen can imagine a younger version of Jared running around backstage and causing tons of trouble and has to smile at that thought. It’s the first time he gets to see the childish side of Jared and he likes it a lot.

Once Jared and Jensen stand at the exit to the tour busses, Jensen’s nervousness returns. He would be nervous to meet Jared’s mother if she were a normal person with a normal job, but the fact that she is one of the biggest country stars makes the entire situation even worse. Of course Jared notices Jensen’s unease and squeezes his hand.

“You know there’s no reason to be scared of her”, he muses. “She’s just the woman that popped me out of her vagina.”

Jensen barks out a laugh at that. “Thanks for that mental imagine. I’m going to have nightmares tonight.”

Jared grins at him, dimples prominent on his cheeks. “No but seriously, relax. She is always a bit cold-hearted towards strangers in the beginning, but she’ll warm up to you eventually. Mom will never be mother of the year but she’s not a bad person either.”

They hear the sound of high heels on the linoleum floor of the empty hallway and Jared lets go of Jensen’s hand to the other man’s disappointment. He can feel his heart beating faster and swallows. There’s no reason to be nervous, he tells himself. It doesn’t really work and he clenches his hands to fists to stop the slight trembling.

Samantha Smith looks stunning. Her long blonde hair is in a ponytail and she wears a black dress that goes down to her knees. She has make-up on and slightly too much perfume Jensen notices as he shakes her hand when Jared officially introduces them.

“Jared barely brings any friends of his around for me to meet”, she says after the handshake and looks Jensen up and down thoughtfully. Jensen can feel himself blushing. Does she know that they are a little bit more than average friends? If she does, she doesn’t mention it. She turns to Jared with a smile. “Where are we heading for dinner, love? I’m starving.”

Jensen is tense on the way to the restaurant that Jared had made reservations at. It’s a high-class restaurant with waiters dressed in suits more expensive than the most expensive piece of clothing he owns. He’s tense throughout the entire meal. He doesn’t understand half the things written on the menu. He’s not sure what that weird looking spoon to his left is for or why there are three wine glasses and a water glass in front of him. Samantha makes small talk with Jared and her son tries to include him as much as possible, but most of the conversation Jensen can’t keep up with. It’s about people he’s never heard about before and places he’s never been to. When Samantha smiles at him it looks forced and Jensen knows that she doesn’t _approve_ of him. It’s not hard to see that she thinks he’s not in their league. The way she purses her lips when Jensen answers the question of what his parents do for a living or the raise of her eyebrow when he admits that he’s never been out of the United States before makes it obvious that she’s not impressed. Dinner is awkward and by the time dessert is finished Jensen’s shoulders hurt from being this tense the entire time.

The moment Jared drops Samantha off at her tour bus- she leaves for the next town tonight- Jensen can finally relax. He takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. He can feel his shoulders drop and groans at the feeling. Through the tinted windows of the car he watches Jared say goodbye to his mother. They hug shortly before Samantha steps into the bus on her high heels. As soon as she has her back turned to Jared, Jensen can see the younger man’s facial expression drop from a smile to pain.

“I’m really sorry”, Jared says when he slips back into the driver seat. He starts the engine of his car. “Tonight was a mistake.”

The night wasn’t exactly a success, but Jensen wouldn’t call it a mistake either. He got to spend it with Jared after all. “It wasn’t _that_ bad”, he muses.

Jared shoots him a sideways glance before looking back at the road. “Are you serious? Did we just sit at the same table or were you in an alternate universe? Mom was a bitch to you the entire time and you were clearly uncomfortable.” Jensen can’t deny that and he doesn’t know how to answer either, so the rest of the drive back to Jared’s house is made in silence.

“You know what would be really nice right now?” Jared takes Jensen’s hand after they get out of the car and leads him from the garage into the entrance hall of his home. He pulls him upstairs and into his room. “A nice bath.” Jared opens the door to the master bathroom that is only accessible through his room. Out of the three bathrooms in the house, this one is Jensen’s favorite. The second one upstairs always reminds him of the first night in Jared’s home and his sudden panic attack, so he never uses it and the one downstairs doesn’t have a bathtub.

Jared’s bathroom is big. The tiles on the floor are black, one of the walls is covered in stones and the other three are painted white. There are two sinks, a shower and a bathtub. The bathtub is not big enough for two people to comfortably sit in next to each other but it is longer than an average bathtub. Jensen guesses Jared bought it because of his height, so he could be able to relax in the warm water without feeling cramped.

“Come on, strip”, Jared orders as he turns on the tab and checks the water temperature. They’ve never had a bath together, only taken showers that ended with sloppy blowjobs and handjobs.

Jensen does as Jared told him too and gets out of his clothes. If Jared would have looked at him, he’d have made a show out of it. But Jared is busy looking at different bath bombs. His decision falls on a blue one and he drops it into the water. The bath bomb immediately starts to fizzle and slowly dissolves, giving the water a nice blue color.

Jensen is already naked by the time Jared is unbuckling the belt on his trousers. “You can get in already. I hope the temperature is alright.”

The warm water hugs Jensen like a blanket. He can’t stop the sigh passing his lips and his eyelids flutter shut. His ears pick up the rustling of clothes as Jared struggles to get out of his pants and he feels tired all of a sudden.

“Scoot forward, please.” Jared has lowered his voice to a whisper and Jensen moves forward slowly. He can hear Jared entering the bathtub behind him, feels the water ripple as the man slides inside. Once Jared is comfortable with his back lying against the tub and one foot left and one right around Jensen’s hips, he pulls the other man back by his shoulders.

Jensen’s back is against the other man’s chest now. His thoughts are hazy from the sudden tiredness that consumes his body. He can feel Jared’s chest moving and his breath tickles Jensen’s hair. He closes his eyes and gets lost in the feeling of warmth and strong arms surrounding him from behind.

“I’m sorry again for what happened with mom today”, Jared whispers into the silence of the room.

Jensen shushes him. “Not your fault. As long as you’re with me and don’t think I’m not good enough for you I don’t mind what your family thinks of me.” His words come out slurred already. Shaping his lips and using his tongue is exhausting. He doesn’t feel Jared’s lips press to his temple anymore and hear Jared’s whispered promise to never think of him that way. He only wakes up briefly when Jared lifts him out of the bathtub and dries him with one of the fluffy towels Jensen likes. When Jared lays his body down on the soft mattress of his bed and cuddles up to him, Jensen is already asleep again.

  


  
The fact that they don’t show any physical affection to each other in public doesn’t bother Jensen all too much. He knows that there are many eyes on Jared, no matter where the man goes and he doesn’t think that he would be able to handle the attention that going public would direct his way. Jared makes up for it anyway when it’s just the two of them. He’s awfully romantic, surprises him with roses when Jensen least expects them and when he lays Jensen down on his bed one night and covers his entire body in loving kisses before making love to him for the first time- because what they did that night was more than just having sex- Jensen can honestly say that he has fallen in love with Jared Padalecki.

Jensen blinks a few times and groans. He drapes an arm over his eyes to shield them from the bright sunbeams falling in from the window. With his other arm he reaches to his left in search of a warm body. He frowns when he comes up empty and opens his eyes only to find an empty bed.  The spot that Jared occupied last night is still rumpled but already cold. He must have been up for a while now. This is not how Jensen expected to wake up the morning after their first time together. He sits up in bed and stretches, listening to the satisfying cracking sound his shoulders make. He can still feel Jared from the night before inside him.

Dressed in a spare pair of sweatpants he has lying around Jared’s place and in one of Jared’s t-shirts that is way too big on him, he makes his way down the hall and the staircase, the floor cold under his bare feet. He should have opted for one of Jared’s sweaters instead of the shirt. Jensen is met with silence in the front hall of the house and contemplates going back upstairs to look for Jared in one of the bathrooms when the silence is disrupted by a loud clatter from the kitchen followed by a yelp.

Curious about what is going on, Jensen pads to the modern kitchen and barks out a laugh at the sight that greets him there. Jared is wearing nothing but an apron and leans over the oven. He looks quite distressed when he spots Jensen.

“What are you doing here?” he asks horrified. “You’re supposed to be in bed still. I’m supposed to bring you breakfast.”

“I’m honestly glad I’m not in bed right now or otherwise I’d be missing out on this amazing sight”, Jensen teases and closes the distance between them. He presses a quick kiss against Jared’s lips.

Jared hums happily before pulling back to flip the pancake he has in the pan at the moment. “Good morning sleeping beauty, did you sleep well?”

Jensen grins and gently presses his already half-hard penis against Jared’s hips. “It’s definitely a good morning, you look hot like this.”

“Jensen”, Jared scolds disapprovingly but can’t help a smile and another quick peck to the smaller man’s lips. “Get it together for five minutes, will you? I have pancakes to make.”

Jensen pouts at that and lets his fingers trail over one of Jared’s naked arms, tickling the muscles there with his fingertips. He watches in amazement as goosebumps rise on Jared’s skin and presses himself even more against Jared. “I don’t mind eating my pancakes cold.” His hand trails from Jared’s arm over his shoulder down his torso to cup his already hardening length through the apron and give it a few strokes. With a deep voice he drawls “Are you sure you can’t spare me a minute or two?”

Jared bites his bottom lip and for a few seconds tries to ignore Jensen. With a moan however he puts the pan away and switches off the oven. “Fuck you”, he murmurs and presses Jensen against the opposite counter before picking him up and sitting him down on the surface while he attacks his neck with kisses and licks.

Jensen throws his head back and closes his eyes. “Yes, fuck me. That’s the plan”, he encourages in a breathy whimper.

Jared’s cold pancakes afterwards are the best thing Jensen’s ever eaten in his entire life.

It’s a morning in the middle of April and Jensen and Danneel have nothing better to do than stroll the streets of the city. They’ve been walking around for over an hour now, talking about random stuff and having a good time. That changes the very second they pass a kiosk though. Jensen doesn’t even mean to take a look at the magazine covers displayed but his eyes roam over them anyway, a bad habit that started in the summer when he was browsing through magazines to read articles about Jared. Jensen stops dead in his tracks as he spots the cover of one magazine in particular and he feels as if a hand is closing around his throat, making it impossible to properly breathe all of a sudden. Danneel asks him what’s wrong but once she sees what Jensens eyes linger on, she immediately understands. It takes a lot of coaxing for him to actually move again and follow into the taxi she stopped for them. He doesn’t properly realize what’s going on around him and he doesn’t really remember how he even got home. All he knows is that there is a picture of Jared kissing a girl on the cover of the magazine instead of a picture of Jared kissing him.

  


  


  
Misha is plotting Jared’s death already. He’s muttering curses under his breath while walking up and down in their tiny living room. In fact he is so distracted by his plans to kill Jared that he doesn’t even make Jensen a cup of tea. Right now Jensen would really appreciate some intense peppermint.

Danneel is the one that actually bought a copy of the magazine at the store only one block down after bringing Jensen home and leaving him in the care of Misha. He listens to her voice, understands the things she tells him about the situation but he still can’t understand what’s going on.

The dreadful magazine is lying on the coffee table in front of him. Misha advised him to burn it or rip it apart or maybe rip it apart and burn it afterwards. “You could also try to flush it down the toilet.” was his next advice. “I’ve heard that it is quite therapeutic.” But Jensen doesn’t burn or rip or rip and then burn or flush. What he does is stare at the front page where Jared is kissing none other than Genevieve Cortese, the woman that once was pregnant with his child. It’s an intimate picture that shows them on a doorstep, Jared’s hand on her cheek as their lips touch. It was taken last weekend, when Jared was down in California to supposedly meet Megan. He had never mentioned anything about Genevieve to Jensen. The article talks about them being back together after all these years. A source close to them is mentioned saying that Genevieve apparently thinks about taking a break from acting and moving up north to support Jared while he studies. According to the magazine, they’ve hidden their relationship for quite a time now, the burning flame between them was rekindled over Christmas. The quality of the picture is bad, it’s grainy, but Jensen can still see the way the corners of her lips are pulled upwards as if she smiles.

Jared tries to call him the first time around one in the afternoon but Jensen doesn’t pick up. He’s too busy crying into Danneels shoulder as she holds him close and tries to calm him down while Misha is on the run for chocolate and ice cream. After that Jensen’s phone rings every two to five minutes until Danneel finally has enough of it and turns it off.  A few hours later Jared stands in front of their door. He’s lucky that Misha had to leave for university and it’s only Danneel telling him to fuck off.

  
Jensen has been hiding from the world for nine days by now. He only leaves the flat for the most important lectures. His friends bring him water and food and back off instead of trying to intervene and get him back into the world of living. He’s thankful for that. One time in the last few days he was on the phone with Mackenzie and the nosy teenager she is, she asked what exactly was going on with Jared and Genevieve. Jensen pressed the end button before she was even finished with her sentence and ignored any and every phone call after that, no matter who it was from. He knows that his mother had called Danneel later that day, worried about her son’s behavior and that Danneel had vaguely told her what was going on.

Jensen can hear Danneel come home. She’s accompanied by a second female voice that he doesn’t recognize but he doesn’t pay attention to it. He’s sitting on his bed and staring at the opposite wall. He’s been in this position for about an hour now and contemplating throwing the glass full of water on his nightstand against the white wall. Throwing things around is something he’s been thinking of a lot lately but in the end he never does it.

There’s a gentle knock on Jensens door. In the last few days since the publication of the magazine, both of his friends learned not to throw Jensen’s door open anymore but to actually knock first. It’s not like they wait for him to give them permission to enter but it’s a start.

Danneel pokes her head inside. “Hey, how are you doing?” She speaks in a soft voice with real concern. Jensen doesn’t acknowledge her. “There’s someone here that wants to talk to you. I’ll leave you two to it. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

“Send them away.” Jensen’s voice is raspy which might be because he barely used it the last couple of days.

Danneel ignores his request. It’s the first time since his breakdown on the couch that she does not listen to him and Jensen doesn’t like it. Instead she steps back and tells the stranger to just go inside and not take his mood personally. The person enters the room but leaves the door to the hallway wide open.

Only when a timid voice asks “Jensen?” does he look away from his spot on the wall. It’s a girl standing in his room and Jensen doesn’t even need her to say who she is. Megan Padalecki looks a lot like her older brother. She has the same slanted eyes and nose as him and the rest of her features also remind him a lot of Jared. Her brown hair acts as a curtain hiding half of her face and her arms are crossed in front of her chest in a defensive- though thinking about her history, maybe it’s more of a protective- gesture.

Jensen wants to growl at her, ask her what she is doing here but before his mouth spits out the words his brain catches up with him and he remembers all the things that Jared ever told him about his little sister and he quickly closes his mouth and curses Jared in his head.

It’s a dirty move to send someone to Jensen who can be easily triggered into panic attacks by harsh words, unexpected touches and intimidating men. Jensen is in a bad mood. He’s grumpy and sad and angry but he’s still not an asshole that wishes panic attacks upon anyone else. That’s why he takes a few calming breaths and keeps his voice as light as possible. “It’s nice to meet you Megan. What can I do for you?”

He doesn’t miss the way she constantly looks to the open door over her shoulder, the only escape from the room and Jensen’s heart aches for her. He knows the feeling all too well of being constantly on the lookout for a way out in case it is required. “Do you want to go to the living room?” he offers the girl. It’s a bigger  room with Danneel being in the kitchen right next to it and he thinks that maybe being closer to another female would put Megan’s mind at ease.

“No, it’s alright,” she replies bravely even though Jensen can see that she doesn’t want to be here at al, “I need to talk to you about my brother.”

“I figured that much. Be my guest.” Jensen replies sarcastically and makes a welcoming hand gesture to the chair at his desk that is right next to the door. It’s an invitation for Megan to sit down and simultaneously gives her the option to be closer to the exit again.

Jared’s sister slumps down into the chair and sighs. “First of all you should know that Jared has absolutely no idea that I’m here at the moment. You have no idea how hard it was to find out your address without asking him directly and making him suspicious. Chad wasn’t very helpful either. I actually had to get a hold of Sophia to find it. ”

Jensen listens curiously, surprised by the younger girl’s words. He could have sworn that she was Jared’s way of getting through to him by playing dirty. To hear that she came on her own accord changed the entire situation immensely.

“He likes you, Jensen. He likes you like a lot. I’ve never heard him talk of anyone as fondly as he talks about you.”

“He also likes Genevieve a lot.” Jensen can’t help himself but reply bitterly.

“After all the time you’ve spent him you should know by now not to trust the magazines.” Megan tries to reason with him.

“I don’t trust the magazines but I trust the pictures I have seen.”

“And the pictures are real but you’re missing the entire context. Genevieve is a close friend of Jared and mine. We’ve grown up with her; she’s like another sister to us. Jared was never in any kind of relationship with her that was more than friendship.”

Jensen wants to interrupt her, wants to tell her that he knows about the baby that has never seen the light of day but Megan holds up her hand to signal him to stay quiet as she continues: “What happened back then with the baby was nothing but a publicity stunt. Genevieve always wanted to become an actress but the only parts she got were small ones. It was Jared’s idea to help her out since she is his friend. The pregnancy was pretense to get her on the news next to him. Our parents were more than happy with the publicity. Genevieve herself was not a big fan of the idea but she agreed to it anyway and as you can see-“

“-she’s now one of the most sought-after actresses in Hollywood.” Jensen finishes her sentence.

“Exactly. Jared and Gen are still close friends and when he came to California to visit me he went to visit her too. The pictures you have seen were from Genevieve’s front porch. Jared and Gen are close enough to always greet each other with a quick kiss on the mouth. They’ve been doing that since a young age. There is nothing romantic about it whatsoever. The paparazzi just had amazing timing or horrible timing in this case.”

Jensen feels terrible now but it only gets worse when Megan continues to speak.

“We think that it was our parents who sent paparazzi after him in the first place. Mom‘s new single had been released a few days before the pictures showed up which is quite a suspicious timing. You have to talk to him, Jensen. Please don’t ignore him any longer. Jared is heartbroken. He’s barely leaving the house and eventually Chad became worried enough to fly me up here.”

“I’m the worst person in the world.” Jensen sighs. “Do you really think he’s still going to want to see me now? I should have known not to judge too soon and to listen to him but I saw the pictures and seeing them hurt so bad that I just couldn’t face him anymore.”

“He’s been crying his eyes out all week and called our parents to tell them that he’s not their puppet anymore for stupid publicity stunts. To be honest I think seeing you is the only thing that could possibly bring him out of his funk right now.”

Jensen’s chewing on his bottom lip and staring at his spot on the wall again as he contemplates everything he’s just heard. “Wait for me in the kitchen with Danneel? I’ll be ready in five minutes.”

They pile into a taxi with Danneel in tow because ”Do you really think I want to miss the big reunion?” and when Chad opens the front door the emotions on his face are a weird mixture of anger and relief.

“He’s up in his room” he tells Jensen. The other man pushes him to the side and takes two steps at a time up the marvelous staircase, nearly tripping over the last step in his hurry to get to Jared.

Jensen finds the door to Jared’s room locked, which is weird and also painful because he didn’t expect it and threw himself against the door with all his weight when pressing the handle down. Immediately he starts banging on the door with his fists. The scene seems oddly familiar to him, standing in the narrow hallway and knocking on doors in the hopes of them magically opening up even though they are locked. But this time when the key in the lock turns and it opens, their roles are reversed.

It’s Jared standing there with puffy red eyes and tearstained cheeks and Jensen doesn’t hesitate to step inside. He stands on his tiptoes and presses his lips against Jared’s. With the sleeves of his sweater he tries to rub the tears away.

“I’m sorry, I am so sorry.” He whispers over and over again against unresponsive lips. Jared is frozen in place beneath his touch and he’s scared that he messed it all up, that Jared will never forgive him again for being stupid and listening to magazines even after everything Jared told him about them.

His heart is beating unnaturally fast in his chest and he’s close to tears at the thought of losing Jared a second time because of his own mistakes when two strong arms wrap themselves around his body tentatively. His face is pressed against the other man’s neck and he can feel as Jared ducks his head and hides his face in Jensen’s neck as well. Jared doesn’t say a word but Jensen can feel the wetness of tears against his skin and he thinks that this right there, this is what forgiveness feels like.


	7. Epilogue

  
Megan leaves the state of Washington two days later. There are tears in her eyes when she hugs her bigger brother goodbye. Jensen stands back and watches as Jared whispers promises in her ear of coming south again as soon as possible. Her graduation date is already marked in his calendar and he reminds her to study hard and to tell Sam and Jim that he said hi.

Jensen doesn’t get a hug from Megan and that’s okay. She smiles at him and he wishes her all the best. She reminds him to not be an idiot and listen to the gossip rags and laughs when he blushes. They watch her pass through security and as soon as she’s out of sight, Jared hastily rubs his eyes to kill the evidence of tears that are shimmering in them before they have a chance to escape.

He and Jensen have talked a lot in the past two days, especially about things that they should have discussed in the beginning of their relationship. They had never defined the thing between them before but recent events made it obvious that they definitely should have. Now Jensen can officially call himself the boyfriend of none other than Jared Padalecki. He’s not sure if that is the weirdest thing that ever happened in his life, but it’s definitely in his top list. It tops seeing Chad Michael Murray in nothing but his underwear and socks but comes definitely after finding Jared Padalecki making pancakes in the kitchen and having to admit that they are better than his mom’s.

Misha seemed almost disappointed when he was told that he had to abandon his plans on how to kill a Padalecki but he says that he’s happy for Jensen and threatens to stab him in his sleep should he ever steal his precious intense peppermint tea again, which Jensen has done a lot lately.  


Jensen wakes up the morning after Megan’s departure to the never ending vibrations of his phone. The temptation to pick it up and throw it against the wall is enormous but he refrains from it. He can still feel the tiredness in his bones and squints at the rays of sun blinding him through the window. He’s in Jared’s bed but there’s no trace of its owner anywhere in the room. It’s not the most ideal way to wake up.

It’s been a long night for him and his body aches in the best way possible. Memories of the evening come back to him, the way Jared had laid him down on his bed as soon as they arrived at his house and had claimed what was his again, not once, not twice but three times that night. After the second time they had decided that they were hungry and snuck down to the kitchen at eleven p.m. to make a batch of cookies and hot chocolate.

Jensen wants to reminisce in the good memories but the constant vibration of his phone doesn’t stop and he’s surprised to find that it’s blowing up with messages, calls and social media notifications. It’s impossible to even take a look at any of the messages due to the fact that there always pops up a call on his screen. In his frustration Jensen sets the phone on airplane mode but there’s also worry blooming in his chest. Something obviously must have happened for people to feel the need to contact him.

Mackenzie sent him about twenty texts, his mom exactly 4 and there’s only one from Danneel. He opens that one first. _Check Jared’s twitter_ is all it says. Jensen quickly complies with her command and turns on the WIFI. It takes a few seconds to connect his phone to Jared’s internet and he impatiently taps against the touch screen with his fingers, waiting for the app to load. Once it is finally open, Jensen searches for Jared’s profile. He has to load it again since the last tweet he can read is still from over a week ago. Jensen’s heart nearly stops as soon as the page has reloaded.

Jared’s profile picture changed. Before it was a picture of him sitting on the grass with sunglasses on and a dazzling smile on his lips. The new picture Jensen is all too familiar with. It’s a picture of Jared and him from January, when they had a flour fight in the kitchen after a baking experience gone wrong. Jared had taken the picture of them with flour in their hair and flour on their faces. He had drawn a little heart out of the white substance on Jensen’s face. Jensen’s lips were pressed against his cheek and Jared was smiling into the camera of his phone brightly. It’s one of Jensen’s favorite pictures of Jared of all time because it is one of only a few that captures his natural bright smile.

The newest tweet on Jared’s page was posted 47 minutes ago and Jensen’s heart nearly stops for the second time in a minute. There’s a picture attached to the tweet showing Jensen, half of his face pressed in the pillow and a blanket over his head. Only a small part of his face is actually visible but enough for people that know him to actually recognize him. He stares at the picture for a long time before he even notices the text. _Good morning sleeping beauty. Breakfast is waiting in the kitchen. I love you._

First he nearly falls out of his bed in his haste to get up and then he nearly falls down the stairs in his hurry to get to the kitchen. He ignores Chad, who grins as he comes out of the bathroom at the exact moment he crosses the entrance hall and almost tackles a very surprised looking Jared to the ground as he jumps on him and wraps his arms and legs around his body.

It’s nearly a miracle that Jared can keep himself upright by grabbing on the counter. He passionately reciprocates the kiss once he’s sure he won’t bring them both to the ground.

“I love you.” Jensen exclaims with a silly smile on his face once his feet are back on the ground. It feels good to say the words out loud that have been lurking in his head for over a month. “But what brought this sudden outing of our relationship on?”

Jared has his arms wrapped around the smaller man and hides his smile in Jensen’s hair. “I love you too and when I woke up next to you this morning, you looked absolutely beautiful. I had to share my luck. I hope you’re okay with the world knowing about us. It’s going to be all over the papers by tomorrow.”

“I’m more than okay with the world knowing who you _really_ belong to.” Jensen says quietly and closes his eyes, immersing in the feeling of safety, warmth and happiness he feels in his chest when he is held by Jared.

                                                   

THE END


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